Answered.

I really wanted February to fly by. I prayed for that. I wrote about that. I told people that.

And it did!

Today is the last day of February (glad for no 2011 leap year). I had an appointment with the doctor today. We are in the home stretch now. Our little guy is almost 29 weeks and is doing well from all we can tell. He would most likely survive, with some serious time in the NICU, if born now. That's not best case scenario, of course, but it gives some relief that we didn't have before.

We have an ultrasound on Thursday and one again in two weeks and then probably weekly after that, maybe even bi-weekly.

There are many tasks that I want to accomplish before baby's arrival. One of them is to finish the page on our blog on how to help those who are grieving a baby loss. If that doesn't get done, that's okay, I'll just point people elsewhere (like this great post last week from Molly Piper "When you want to say, "I can't imagine," just try).

But for today, I'll get a few things done, be grateful February is over, and start wishing March away:)

-Heather

Single Digits.

We are now counting down weeks in single digits. 9 weeks or less. That's awesome.

Here's Greg at 28 1/2 weeks:
Oh wait, I suppose he always looks like this.

Here's me with the little man:

We sure love this little man and enjoy every moment he makes!

-Heather

Update: I meant to write "every movement he makes" but I think "every moment he makes" sort of works, too!

Tulips.

Because Maelee was born in the spring, because we had bright pink tulips in a vase with coffee beans in her room, because my favorite bouquet given to us after she died featured light pink tulips... because of this, tulips remind me of Maelee.

So last fall I bought a big stack of light pink tulip bulbs and Greg and I planted them around the bushes in the front of our house. We do not have green thumbs (sadly, my parents' master gardening skills did not auto-transfer to me) and I was worried we didn't plant them correctly.

But this week of gorgeous weather (I am currently wearing capris, flip flops and a tank top), has given me a little sight of coming beauty: our Maelee tulips are peaking out of the soil!

I'm not sure if or when they will fully bloom, but it gives me joy to see them. I'll make sure to post a photo of Maelee's tulips if we get any blooms. How great that such a beautiful flower will forever remind us of our girl!

-Heather

The Little Man's Fabric.

Back in September I first realized if we get to bring this baby home, he could actually be a boy (gasp!) and then we would need to change Maelee's room. Both Greg and I love Maelee's room. We leave the door open. Usually the sun is shining through the window which emits a lovely pink glow. For not loving pink two years ago, I love this pink and brown room.

So this room change is sort of a big deal. Yet we are grateful for what that means.

If you know me, you know I'm sort of a color snob. I remember things in colors, I am way partial to certain colors, I feel life makes more sense when things are color coordinated. There is just something calming about a Real Simple-approved color scheme.

That said, when I realized baby could be a boy, my first thought was to do a deep navy with just a bit of a deep orange accent (think Chicago Bears without any logos!). I don't like baby blue, so that was not going to be an option!

All I needed to do was find fabric to fit my ideal. I finally was able to start shopping last month. I looked at every fabric in Hancock and didn't find one that would work. I went online but it was hard not to actually see and touch the fabric before buying. Then I went to Joann's Fabrics and looked at every fabric and found ONE.

But the lesson here is you only need one! The decision has been made, I got it for super cheap, and we are now ready for Grammy to come on March 15th to do her sewing magic and for Grandpa Lloyd to do his painting magic.

Here it is!

With the first thing I bought this baby back in September, brown shoes!

Up close

With the gray wall and the brown crib.

Grammy will use the fabric to create just the crib skirt, basket covers, part of the curtains, accent pillow... but it's what will bring it all together.

The background is gray, like the majority of the walls. I believe my dad will paint over the pink in the walls with the navy, keep the brown stripe and add a small orange stripe. So the main colors are navy, brown, gray with a deep orange accent (like I had envisioned in Sept). The deep blue in the fabric is perfect. I was not anticipating having green or yellow in the room but since it will only be in bits of the fabric, it won't take over the room.

And leaves! I am a leaf fan. Our wedding had leaves, our bedroom has leaves, etc... so the fact that the pattern is leaves fits us. And I'm almost certain our boy could care less about his room decor, so leaves it is.

It's a big step to have this decision made. And now my project is to find good navy crib sheets and a navy changing pad cover!

I look forward to posting the photos of the room transformation come late March... but more importantly, I greatly look forward to seeing our little man living in his cute room.

-Heather

Our Valentine.

This is the Valentine's Day outfit that I had bought for Maelee to wear today. I think we all can agree it would have been precious to see her little butt in these plaid pants along with this heart cardigan. Melt.My.Heart.Cute.

And for those of you that are wondering, I will not be dressing our little man in heart gear next year. He's a boy and I don't think he'd approve. Thankfully I have nieces I can send valentines and gifts to, so that will help in my missing our little Valentine.

Soon to come: photos of the little man's room fabric!

Thankful Post Time.

Here's a glimpse of what I'm thankful for tonight:

*a new Maelee necklace to wear

*my friend Heather for finding chocolate Twizzlers and helping me fulfill another craving
*our little man's consistent movements, a definite gift of grace, especially on this last tough Sunday
*good friends you don't have to clean your house for
*all the books that shaped my childhood and trying to find them again
*coupons and daily deals and buying 720 wipes for $1.51 today
*our mailman's exceptional service
*spending the first 18 years of my life in one solidly great house
*february going by quickly and smoothly thus far
*my mother-in-law hosting and leading a Norwex party for me in FL when I didn't have the gumption to travel at 26 weeks
*janitors that clean up stranger's messes day in and day out
*our new microwave that works and looks way better than our old one
*living in a city that recycles broken microwaves
*sleep and the opportunity to get a lot of it
*the peach I splurged on today and the small miracle it took to get it from Chile to SC in the new local Publix (ironically next to a peach field)
*my stinkin' hilarious husband
*hitting print from the laptop in the living room and hearing our printer print in the office room
*being okay with being just an Israelite, not feeling like I need to be a Moses or a David or the star of the show.
*finding the fabric for the little man's room and being very excited to get it on sale tomorrow and buy the whole nine yards, literally

-Heather

10 Months.

Dear Maelee,

You are supposed to be here eating this baby food. I know because I saw a 10-month old this week enjoying some lovely organic green mush....and seeing that did something to my heart. I had to take all this out of our cupboards yesterday and look at the expiration dates. Unfortunately there are only two cans of green peas that won't be expired by the time your brother would be ready to eat them.

I wonder so many things. I wonder what kinds you would have liked and which ones you would have spit in our faces. I wonder if we would have used all the cute bibs we had for you. I wonder if you would prefer meal time over bath time. Would eating be easy or a struggle with you? Would you grow up to be like your mommy and be sort of picky or be better like your daddy and always be a member of the clean plate club?

We are thrilled about getting to find out how good of an eater your little brother is... beyond excited for that opportunity. But that doesn't take away how much we miss you and yearn for all that we are missing with you, dearest firstborn. You are our Maelee, our treasured daughter and our lives on earth will always be incomplete.

And that makes some days harder than others for us. That's okay. The Lord sustains us even in those dark moments. I am so happy to know and be certain that you are enjoying Him now and that He's enjoying you, too.

We love you dear one and ache for these last ten months of missed memories.

Love, your mommy

Crave.

I came home from jazzercise this morning to a wonderful surprise from my husband: my current craving.

I don't understand how cravings work but I would guess that it has something to do with memory and suggestion. Case in point:

When I was growing up my dad would occasionally bring home doughnuts from the Donut Hole or Family Thrift. He usually brought home Long Johns. They were okay, but I what I really wanted were doughnut holes or glazed doughnuts or something cooler. Of course I ate the Long Johns because hey, it's still a doughnut! And that won over plain Cheerios any day.

Fast forward to a few months ago when our friends were over and we began discussing Long Johns. Some people had never heard of such a thing and I proceeded to tell them about the deliciousness of a rectangular doughnut with a light maple frosting. One person exclaimed that a Long John did not necessarily have maple frosting. I was quite flabbergasted at that statement. A Long John WAS rectangular and maple-covered! I was so adamant that I decided to look it up online to prove that I was right.

I was wrong. Apparently a Long John is bar-shaped but can have different types of frosting. And it can even be filled with gooey crap. (My wording of the latter sentence probably cues you in to how I feel about that). So that fateful night a few months ago, I learned that a Long John to me may not be the same as a Long John to someone else.

But all that discussion about said doughnut, paired with memories of childhood, caused a yearning deep in my gut for a maple-covered Long John. Insert one of the most consistent cravings of this pregnancy. Note: many of my cravings once fulfilled will fade into the background, but occasionally some will pull up and stay for awhile.

And so when I found myself down the road at Dunkin' Donuts awhile back, it was to my delight that they carry a maple-frosted regular doughnut. It may not be rectangular as to be an official Long John, but it has the taste! Yes, folks, it has the taste!

And surprisingly I have only allowed myself to go there twice even though I can get there in 3 minutes.

So today when I came home from a rough morning (including seeing a most delightful little red-headed girlie-girl toddler at the library), I busted out in tears at how thoughtful Greg was to bring home not one but TWO maple-covered doughnuts.

However cravings work in our brains and bellies, they are mighty powerful. You can have your chocolate-covered/sprinkle/regular frosting/crap-filled/krispy-kreme/nut-covered/blueberry/etc doughnut. But maple-covered or a plain, old-fashioned doughnut, for them, yes, for them I will put up a fight.

-Heather

Normal.

This is a word I was very happy to hear on a voice mail today.

I got the results back from our appointment yesterday. I had my glucose test and some blood work done. And while I was in the shower today, the office called and left me a message to say that everything came back normal.

Ah, what a beautiful word today. Normal.

And everything went normal at our appointment yesterday as well. We heard baby's heartbeat, he even kicked the little doppler machine while the nurse was listening to his heart rate. I got to ask the doctor my list of questions (yes, I have a big list every time I go in). He didn't make me feel like an idiot for asking weird questions and he didn't indulge my freak outs either. Perfect balance.

Sadly, we always brace ourselves for something bad when we head to the appointments and every time things go smoothly, there is a collective sigh and a smile on our faces as we leave the building. Along with a whole lot of praise welling up in our souls.

We are thankful for normal today.

And here's to a very smooth and speedy February!

-Heather