5.

On Saturday my mom snapped the first photo of us five together. It didn't happen in the hospital because Annalee was so beside herself (and feverish) and it took awhile for me to realize we missed that shot. So to show that we are indeed glad to be together:

Love these people!

-hlk

Procedure.

Evan had his lip tie cut today. Poor kid. It's a very quick and simple procedure but still painful! He's been getting many snuggles today. 

I've nursed him a few times since and it does seem less painful but still not perfect. I think he needs to heal a bit before I start forcing his mouth this way or that. Hopeful a better latch is coming!

He is 8lbs, 14ozs today! Growing great, very thankful for that. Glad we've had him on the outside for two weeks on his due date today. 

He burps and farts and smiles often, this boy. And we are loving it all!

-hlk

Newborn Photos.

Saving money by taking some newborn shots of Evan myself... which I'm somewhat regretting because having someone else do it for you is way nicer. I'll wait for the professional for family photos sometime this year. Plus Evan is so cute! And we don't need a ton of perfect shots... so if I take 1,000, there's bound to be a handful of "suitable for framing" ones.

Here's one that his little hand got in the way:

I know many of my images would pop if I put them in black and white but it's really, really hard for me to put newborn shots of a live baby in black and white. To me, if your newborn is full of life and color, then let's celebrate that! Black and white is awesome but I'm scarred with too many baby loss images only really able to be in black and white. Our only images of Maelee are not in color. Therefore, you will see color-only shots of this little man when he's this tiny (today probably back up to birth weight!).

-HLK

Nursing Update.

Mr. Evan is following suit with his sister in regards to feeding issues. The difference is I'm a mom that went through that with Annalee and now I'm armed with knowledge and perseverance in order to avoid that pumping-only fate.

His latch is still painful. Most times it's toe-curling painful on initial latch and gets less severe as he nurses. The good news he is gaining and healthy and doing great. And the other good news is my supply is good, plenty of milk for this guy.

There are about five to ten "clues" that he has a lip tie, just like Annalee did. Again, the difference is that we didn't figure that out and get hers clipped until she was two months old. By then she was addicted to her bottle and would not latch. This time I'm nursing through the pain, not giving Evan a bottle (well, he's had an ounce a couple times) so that he doesn't get used to that immediate gratification.

TUESDAY we will have Evan's follow-up with our primary in the morning and then in the afternoon, we have the appointment with the same great doctor that cut Annalee's lip tie. I'm hopeful that soon thereafter, we will have a better latch with much less pain.

The lactation consultant nurse yesterday confirmed my suspicions, affirmed that I was doing everything I could and should possibly be doing, praised that I was problem solving on my own with different techniques and positions I was trying. She left feeling helpless just like she did two-plus years ago with Annalee (yes, same person came then and she remembered us, remembered feeling terrible she couldn't help us out). She did say he could have a hard-to-diagnosis slight tongue tie as well so I will be mentioning that to the doctor.

All I need to do until then is keep Evan gaining and keep my supply up. Then after Tuesday we will need to make sure his lip tie doesn't heal up and attach again so it'll be swiping his upper mouth area often.

Signs of his bad latch (for those curious to know):

1. PAIN!
2. Clicking sound when he's nursing
3. He de-latches - not fully all the time but slightly
4. He doesn't open wide enough and get enough of the nipple area in (this is the main cause of pain)
5. Less pain as he goes on means that my nipple is softer (after initial release of milk when I'm full) and therefore, he's able to get more of the nipple area in with his suck (hard = hard to suck, soft = easier to suck in)
6. He's got nursing blisters on the bottom lip
7. When nursing, you can see his top lip is tucked in usually and not flared out
8. Lip ties are hereditary

I have alleviated some pain by using my thumb to hold down my top nipple area while nursing. There's an official name for this trick and I came up with it by trial and error!

I'll be awaiting Tuesday and praying this will lessen the pain so we can keep moving forward nursing this sweet little man.

-HLK

This Boy!

He melts your heart with his happy, dreaming smiles.

-Evan's Mom

1 Week.

A week old!

Head and Heart and Boobs.

My heart is fully grateful for Greg. He could be a mediocre dad. Just doing what he needs to be there. Instead he consistently goes above and beyond to interact with our kids, show them life and his love, engage them and care for them. What a special day to see him care for yet another baby this Father's Day. Evan has no idea how much he's going to love this guy!!

Annalee's FD drawing for Greg:

My dad showed back up today from being up north so we got to see him too. It's always great to give my dad a hug on Father's Day. I missed my FIL but I'll see him this week for my hug. 

My head hurts. I got a nasty migraine in the middle of the night last night. I'm sure it's lack of sleep and hormones. It's a doozy and besides ibuprofen I can't take anything. The day was hard to get into and I'm sure the night will be hard. But I'm alive. It'll go away. We will have sleep again too. Yes.

My milk came in yesterday. Oh my - huge. Evan has no jaundice issues! His latch is still needle-poking terrible, especially on initial latch, but we will get there. He is often very sleepy and it's hard to get him nursing on both sides fully. Nursing woes are just part of this process for us. On the plus side, he seems to be better if I can get a good burp out of him and keep him upright after feeding. Much fewer crazy gulping gasping episodes. And he did have his first spit up today, mid nursing, all over. I'm pretty sure he gets what he needs in seven minutes what takes other babies 15 minutes. Much grace needed in all this feeding sleeping business. 

If anyone wants to come hold a snuggliy baby upright for awhile so I can sleep...

-Hlk

Biggest Sister.

I wish that Maelee were here to experience being the biggest sibling to this littlest one. At six years old, you know she would just be all about this tiny human.

Grateful he wore home her outfit and in the photo on the hospital web site, you can see her name. She is still so much a part of our family. 

The other thought about Maelee I treasured while at the hospital - when birthing a baby, all your previous pregnancies matter. Regardless if you got to bring them home. There aren't enough times when Maelee is counted in my kids. The reality is Evan is my third child at home and the average person won't see her in our family tree. But when you are at a hospital about to birth a kid, all those other kids matter, how they came into the world, or didn't, matter. The medical side of things makes the fact I had went through birth three other times, not two like many would see, matters. It's a nice feeling to have her counted in the same facet as the others.

-Heather

Epic Night Happening.

I started this post at 4:40am... will finish it now because Evan's first night home from the hospital must be recorded!

Going to try type while nursing so this can be remembered. I'm in the middle of one crazy epic "first night home from hospital" night. We all know I'm running short on sleep and energy from Tuesday plus delivery plus being at a hospital with interruptions galore. Home was supposed to be restful!

Our little guy since being home doesn't want to be put down. He wants to nurse constantly. Then he has weird swallowing burping breathing issues. Once it seemed like he'd stopped breathing. All I'm sure are normal just tiring and keeps me on edge. I'm still nursing through the pain of his latch not being spot on and my milk still not in. That alone is worth telling Evan about someday.

Greg took the first shift so I could go to bed at 9pm. It involved me finding them outside with Evan screaming. So I nurse him. Then Annalee is up whimpering. Greg doesn't hear her so I'm nursing Evan and go to comfort her (multi-tasking clearly is my new normal). Then I'm up with Evan again, watching him have his weird choking breathing issues, not swallowing or something. So I resort to just hold him upright on me while trying to sleep.

Annalee wakes up again. I tag Greg in because I nursed Evan again and I'm done. He sleeps on the floor next to Evan. After an hour or two, Evan is ready to nurse again.

Then Annalee - she all-out flips out screaming bloody murder. I kid you not. Worst screaming ever. Greg couldn't even calm her down! He brought her downstairs. She wouldn't tell him what was up. Clearly her nightmare was monumental. Eli then woke up crying so Evan and I had to go reassure him. 

After this all, an epic storm showed up. Super loud hail and wind like a tornado. I took video with my phone to remember how loud it was! I thought the window would break. Kids (go figure) slept through it! How stressful! I can't imagine what we will find outside tomorrow morning. The worst - since they were sleeping, I COULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING! I want that hour back! And I want no hail damage or washing out of our lawn, again.

Back to nursing Evan again and Annalee just banged her head HARD against the wall so I was back in there. She seemed SO HUGE when I picked her up. Clearly she's not the baby anymore. Poor girl.

Tried sleeping on the floor next to Evan. He can't quite swallow or get burps out or something. He just spit up in his sleep. I thought colostrum means you didn't spit up? Oi. Up again holding him.

This is why you must sleep when baby sleeps. Somehow with more than one kid, all this seems harder! Thank God my mom was here so I got an hour nap this morning and another hour just now. Still need more sleep. Will get it someday.

Evan, may you other nights at home be much less eventful.

Raging Storm.

Learning to live on the outside is tough. 

-Heather

Meeting Siblings.

Both sets of grandparents brought Eli and Annalee to the hospital to meet Evan on Tuesday night. We had the kids come in the room first to meet baby and tell him his name. Then we let Eli open the door and say "the baby's name is Evan Lloyd Kasowski" to the grands.

Eli was very excited! Annalee wasn't. In her defense, not an hour or so later, she was battling a fever. She didn't really say a word the whole time there and did not want to sit next to me. She looked adorable in her new purple big sister shirt. However I was crazy tired and excited to see them and just didn't take photos before they needed to go. They got to all go out to eat together and minus Annalee being sick, that was sure special for them.

Annalee's fever broke yesterday but we still had her stay home last night when Grandma brought Eli to hold Evan. It was super sweet how happy Eli was to get to hold Evan. He held him for a few minutes, then was just happy to be around us.

Eli holding Evan for the first time. 

Today we came home, exhausted and elated to use this going home outfit, again, with a live baby! The kids were very excited, and a bit stir crazy, both wanting to hold him. So here's a few photos after being home for a few minutes this afternoon:

Love these kiddos.

I didn't get any super photos of Evan in the going home outfit - but a few... so special to have our firstborn so prominently displayed in each of our kid's going-home story. Thanks to Grammy for embroidering it!

This is him this afternoon right before heading home - thanks to my dear friend Cindy for the awesome blanket!

all four kiddos proudly remembered

-HLK

Greetings!

Hi world!

Evan Lloyd.

That's the name of this boy. For those interested in name meanings, we chose Evan Lloyd for a few reasons:

EVAN

1. In Welsh, it's quite a common name, sort of equivalent to "John" for us. We hope that honors Greg's brother John in heaven.
2. In Hebrew, it means "God is gracious," or "God is good." We are extremely thankful to God for giving us this healthy boy. God is certainly gracious and good.
3. In Greek, it comes from one of the best words in that language—euangelios—which means "good news." If you read the New Testament, it's the word "gospel." The gospel is the good news of a new life for all who trust in Jesus Christ as Lord.
   "... the gospel ... it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes." (Romans 1:16)  
4. In high school, Heather had a friend named Evan who died in a snowmobile accident. That event became a spiritual turning point for Heather where she started questioning God and death. The Lord used Evan's death to show Heather the saving grace in Jesus.
5. Back in 2009, Greg learned about a remarkable guy named Evan Roberts. He was a key figure in some revivals in Wales back in the early 1900s. He experienced some extremely high points in his life, then burned out and battled depression. But through the ups and downs, he never wavered in his faith in God.
6. Eli really likes the name Evan. 

LLOYD

1. Heather's dad's name is Lloyd. An amazing guy who deserves his namesake passed on to the next generation. Lloyd had two daughters so getting to name a grandson after him is quite special. 
2. Greg's grandpa Harold Kasowski's middle name is Lloyd. He's another fantastic person who we're excited Evan will be linked to forever with his name. 

Evan has been on the list for awhile but because of its popularity and it just not being this lightening bolt "aha!" name, it wasn't easy to commit. And let's be honest, using Lloyd as a middle name makes it a bit difficult to find a first name that flows! We have found it now and for all the world to know, we do love this second boy of ours, Evan Lloyd Kasowski. 

-Evan's Parents

PS - from Heather: two of the names I just loved and wished I could use for this boy: Levi and Lee... which are essentially our current kids' names! Imagine trying to yell "Eli! Levi!" or "Annalee! Lee!" - oi! 

Exhaustion, Elation.

Was meaning to post more but things went down quickly this morning!

I rested for awhile after the last post. Maybe slept for five minutes. The epidural was not too strong thankfulky so I knew we were progressing. A nurse came in a bit before noon and after checking me, went into overdrive to get things ready. A little after noon I was pushing. I wish I would have had Greg and the other nurse push on my back from the beginning. I wasted some pushes and energy at the get-go. I felt so out of shape! But he came at 12:31pm so I ended up with minimal pushing really. 

He stayed on my belly for awhile (so precious, this boy who clearly looked like Eli) but he wasn't crying much, wide awake though! They took him to get the goop out of his lungs and measure him, then he came back to me. We were amazed at his weight (8lbs, 5oz)! Big boy for sure!

I have tried to sleep with minimal success and I'm crazy tired. He seems to have similar latching issues like Annalee, wants to nurse but he doesn't have a superb latch. You better believe we will be working on that. No NICU please! Lots of my time has been spent skin on skin, this the lack of posting. 

Food is here and Dad is working on his name post! 

-Heather

Smurfs.

This boy wants to keep it interesting! Doctor broke my water but the massive amount of fluid leaving caused pressure on the cord and baby's heart rate went down, too much. The doctor and nurse went into efficient mode so I didn't really know what was happening at the time.  They had me move positions then very quick an oxygen mask was on me and every person working on this unit descended to our room. I had taken my glasses off to fit the mask on and all I recall is quite a few blue-scrubbed people fussing around me. They looked like smurfs with my lack of eyesight. Thankfully baby's heart rate went up again and stabilized. They gave me a shot to stop my contractions so that he could recover fully from that little scare. 

Whew!

Now I went ahead and got the epidural after having a few contractions and they started pictocin to get it all rolling again. I'm 5 cm already so things are well. 

Pray his heart rate stays decent during labor so we don't have an emergency c-section!

Now I have an hour to nap!

-hlk

Sleep?

Hurry up and wait, like Eli's doctor said!

They did the induction-working suppository-like thing about 1:45 and it's going along fine so we may not need pictocin (IV induction drug). Haven't seen my doctor yet but she'll be coming soonish to check and maybe break my water. Not quite sure!

I finally got an hour or two of sleep. Greg got more thankfully! I just couldn't wind down or get comfy before and when I did, it got loud here and contractions got slightly uncomfortable (irregular however) and I kept needing to pee. The most annoying is my nose is congested so I need to flip... but hooked up means it's hard to flip. Seriously, I'm such a terrible sleeper. Uffda. Baby is doing fine, moving frequently, maybe he's a terrible sleeper too! 

New nurse will start soon and when the doctor comes I'm hoping for things to progress well! It's going to be a long day and I'm definitely starting out as one tired mama;) 

-Heather

So Very Close.

We have made it to being only 12 hours away from induction. Baby is moving (thanks to the Twizzlers I just ate), and I'm nowhere near the stress level I was with Eli or Annalee at this point. I have already made it further than either of those two pregnancies too... making me think this boy is going to be my biggest baby yet. We shall see SOON!

Friday's appointment was a little tougher than all previous. He took almost the full half-hour to pass the ultrasound (he would always pass right away before). And he took almost an hour for the non-stress test. And the machine broke. And I had to see an NP I've never met. And there was only one doctor there that day. A little comedy of errors. I was grateful my parents were here to watch the kids and that in the end, baby was/is fine. I'm so happy to be done with these hour or two appointments twice/week! 

Grateful we made it through Sunday when I wasn't feeling awesome, Sunday being the day Maelee died and it just being a bit more concerning for that reason. We made it! And I will never be pregnant another Sunday again. 

Greg and I are a little apprehensive about a 1am induction tonight. Crazy hour to start birthing. We shall start out insane tired from the get-go. Whatever. Get me a baby alive and I'm game. Fairly certain we can say his birthday will be June 14, 2016!

We have about three names in consideration, with a handful of possible backseat contenders that could make it through. We may just have to wait to see him, which we have never done before. I feel super terrible that I don't just LOVE one name and feel ready to name baby. Sorry, boy. I'm sure you will grow into your name shortly after we decide. 

I feel wildly different from any of the three babies before this little guy. And that's okay. I'm not as nervous, not as prepared, not as concerned about details. Some of that may end up less than ideal but overall, I think this must happen the more kiddos you have. 

We will share more as we begin the labor process tonight!

-Heather

Alive and Well.

Baby boy passed all his tests again today. My platelets are low but not terribly so and are stabilized. That means we are going to keep him inside longer. Friday will be another appointment and next Tuesday will be induction if all continues to go well. 

I'm fine with waiting now (more time to prep!) but ask me Sunday and I may be code crazy worrying! Praise be, he moves often for me. And he's measuring at 6lbs, 7ozs so a nice size boy! He may be my biggest baby yet. 

Excited to hold him... in a week!

-Heather

Stuff.

A few folks have asked us about baby gifts. Y'all. This is my fourth baby! All we really need is him to be a good nurser (not like his sister) and some clothes and some non-pink things around him. Right? Oh wait, I guess some things are nice to own when you bring a tiny human into your lives. Thankfully I only sold some things last year when I thought we were done. And this boy isn't going to care he's in a pink rock-n-play, right?! 

We are good on diapers because I'm a crazy sale stockpiler. There's a few things I put on an Amazon wish list that I've found we are missing (where did all our wash cloths go?) so if you really want to find (used perhaps!) something for our second boy, use this as a guide: https://www.amazon.com/registry/baby/AT4D5K6XUZ5B/ref=br_app_share

You'll see my current love for gray coming in here. We are using Eli's room bedding but lessening the orange and doing more gray. My mom arrives today to make it look nice!

We were gifted preemie and newborn and some 3 month handmedowns! So he's good for tiny. And I've kept much of Eli's starting at 2T. So if you want to buy him clothes, there is your size timeline. Eli was so huge so quickly but Annalee wasn't...so that makes it hard to plan. 

Thanks for loving him with us! I'm starting to get REALLY excited! 

Flag Day or not.

At my Tuesday appointment we scheduled induction for Tuesday, June 14. I'll be 38 weeks and that was a good date to fill in our birthday week. 

A few hours after that I got the call that my platelets went low again so that could really mean a sooner induction anyway. So much for making plans!

I have felt much more pregnant and pressure and readiness to deliver this go round than any before at this point. On the flip side, I feel much less prepared with the baby's things and room and practically readying our lives for a little being... YET without being overly concerned about that fact! Heather in the past would never believe Now Heather wouldn't have those drawers filled or figured out where the going-home outfit is hiding out. 

I am glad Grammy is coming this weekend so she can work her magic in his room and the big sibling room, too. 

And for the fact that nothing really matters except meeting this guy however the Lord has planned. 

-Heather