Three Faces.

Here's how much our boy was enjoying his lunch yesterday. Pardon his messiness, but hey, when you were his age, you were probably not the cleanest of eaters either. 

And yes, he is a little goofball. Makes me smile so much.

-Heather

Activity Ideas?

I want to be intentional with my time during the days with Eli. I don't want the day to be over and realize we didn't do much of anything. I also don't want to be activity-crazed and doing so much neither of us can take a breather. Balance.

That to say, I think lately Eli has been ready for more organized activity. I don't know what I'm doing much of the time... this stay-at-home mom thing still catches me off-guard. But I know he's developmentally ready for more than I am giving him.

So to the internet I went! And pinterest. And blog after blog. I'd read about various activities moms or teachers have done with their kids. And honestly, the majority of them are not for 14.5 month-olds. Eli still sticks most everything in his mouth. That sort of eliminates a lot of ideas.

But after a bit of searching I came up with fifteen activities plus a few things I could try with the same supplies. I figure I could try one new idea or activity per day. I was pretty happy with myself, giving myself mental pats on the back.

Day one of new activities involved putting paint inside a plastic zip-loc baggie, then taping it to the glass door so that Eli could "paint with his hands" or make the paint move inside the bag and see it b/c the light coming through. I got it all ready and grabbed my son, assuming he was as excited as I about this purple bag of paint taped on our back door... and then...

He put one finger on the bag and turned around and crawled away completely uninterested. I tried again. No luck. The kid didn't like my activity.

He's supposed to like my activities. That's how this was supposed to work. He learns, laughs, engages, and thoroughly enjoys life with his mother. Humpf.

Lots of lessons here for mom to learn, eh?

All that to say, if you have any marvelous ideas for activities for this 14-15 month-old age, I would love for your suggestions to be added to my list. And if you happen to give me an idea that Eli loves, I will give you ten gold stars.

-Heather

Cows.

This morning while skimming facebook, I saw a friend post a photo of her kid looking really cute as a cow, dressed up for Chick-fil-A's Cow Appreciation Day. If you go in wearing a cow costume today, you get a free meal. Now I like both Chick-fil-A and free food but I have never been motivated to actually do this.

Until today. Within minutes, I had whipped up this cow-poncho costume for Eli (cut a head/arm holes in some fabric, used fabric glue to add some white fabric (cut from a stained shirt) complete with an inside-out hat). Not fancy, but enough to get some free food. I then taped a few white spots (or whatever you call a typical cow pattern) on my black shirt and bam! We were ready for some free food and to go say hi to our friend Jonathan, the best Chick-fil-A employee ever.

I was going to let Eli eat Chick-fil-A for the first time... and you know what? The little stinker didn't even like his chicken?! There is something wrong with that. At least it was free.

My camera lens was having issues but thankfully Sarah had her phone so she snapped a few for me. Here's Eli in the only shot he actually kept the hat on.... and as you can see from the next photo, he whipped that hat off lick-idly-split.
 

For those of you not blessed with Chick-fil-A near you and are thus confused about a chicken place using a cow (as I was when I first saw their advertising), it's basically them using a cow to tell you/beg you to eat more chicken (and therefore, no beef). I don't mind that now... but I do mind that the cows supposedly can't spell.


-Heather

3.2.1.

I went to the doctor this week for a normal check-up. They got a new computer system since I had been there last year. That means all my medical history needed to be inputted, verified and updated. This nice older nurse brought me into the little room and started verifying my info.

I really wish they would have just given me the laptop. She informed me that she is just learning to type. Bless Her Heart. She didn't do too badly, only a few hiccups, but it sure was a slow process.

And the worst timing for her to mess up was the screen where she said "Okay, you've had three pregnancies, two full-term, and you have one live baby." Uh, yep, I guess that about sums it up. But then she says, as she's typing it into the right boxes: "3.2.1."

She ended up having to re-do that screen because at first she couldn't find the button for ectopic, so she actually said it a few times. "3.2.1." The mom in me started to think these are just numbers to you but they are so much more to me. They are my babies. They have a story. They are part of me.

Every doctor appointment from now on will have them in my chart. And you know what? I'm glad for that. Maybe that's weird, maybe a little messed up, but it's a chance nonetheless, to acknowledge them.

I was almost glad she had to ask the follow-up questions. Entering in the dates. After inputting Eli she paused and said "hum, all three in April." Yep. And after getting 4/2010 and 6 lbs, 8ozs in there, she asked Boy or Girl? She was a girl, I say. She has no idea how loaded with memories these questions are!

Oddly enough, I wish I could have told her more. Told her of Maelee's red hair. Of how we were blindsided with her death. Of our grieving journey. Of the joy of our redemption baby.

As any good parents, I like to take joy in my kids. And I like to talk about Maelee. I'm sure many people don't understand that, would rather me not bring her up, would think "It's been over two years, get over it already" and tell me I shouldn't miss her because I have an Eli.

Well phooey on them.

Last night we went over to Jeremy and Sidni's house (see post below) to be with them as they start figuring out what this new normal is like. We wanted to join with them in their grieving, to miss Nathaniel with them, to encourage them somehow, to reassure them what they are experiencing is normal, to know they are not alone. At the same time, we were blessed to get to talk about our daughter. And like I just said, I like to talk about her, I'm glad to remember her with others. I'm not happy this family joined this "club" with us but I'm glad that some of what we learned when we lost Maelee may possibly help them on their grief road.

-Heather

TP.

Just because Eli isn't walking on his own yet, well, that doesn't mean the boy can't get into mischief. He has become very, very good at using his walker. He looks like a little old man as he pushes this thing around. I was in the living room this morning and hadn't heard him in awhile. Silence is a good indicator that something is amiss.

I have a bad headahce, a sore throat (I believe Eli shared a little cold with me) and overall I'm not feeling awesome today... but when you turn the corner and come on this scene, well, you can't help but laugh. And take a photo to share:

I remember too well wishing for these types of moments, wishing to have a child to get into mischief... so when it happens I'm grateful. Even if I'm not too happy about having to grab toilet paper from a pile on the floor instead of on a nice roll.

-Heather

House of Mourning.

A few months back, a couple from our church found out their baby had a chromosomal genetic disorder mid-way through their pregnancy. I had heard of tri-18, some of the moms in the baby loss circle had lost babies with this disorder. The couple are newer to our church so I hadn't met them yet, but when I heard their diagnosis, I emailed the mama, said a few things about Maelee and told her I'd be praying. I then quickly emailed again saying they shouldn't focus on their baby dying, they don't need to hear stories like ours, because some babies with tri-18 can live... they needed to focus on that.

A few weeks after that I picked them out of the crowd at church. I could tell who they were, this sweet mama with her starting-to-show belly, with tears as she sang those worship songs. When you are in the midst of suffering, choosing to praise God takes on a whole new meaning. It wasn't hard to spot them because I remembered what it was like to stand there, singing songs while your heart was breaking. I met her briefly afterwards but I didn't want to be this picture of doom, I'm glad we didn't see each other often since.

Then this week we get the email. The one that says their baby was going to be born via c-section that day. Then hours later, the email saying that Nathaniel went to be with Jesus. This is not what we had hoped for. I didn't want them to join our club. I wanted their baby to defy odds and be the miracle.

And like every baby we hear about that dies or anyone we hear struggling with infertility, we ache for the parents. Wishing it didn't have to be so. Wanting so badly to be in control, to fix everything. Sigh.

Today we went to Nathaniel's funeral, to enter into the house of mourning with his parents.

It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart. Ecclesiastes 7:2

I remember well when my mother-in-law spoke at Maelee's Day (her burial service) and she thanked all our family and friends for coming, for joining us in our house of mourning. It is better. It is better to join people in their grief, in their suffering. It's easy to join people in celebration, it's good and fun and wonderful to be happy with others. Anyone can do that. But it is better, yes better, to join with them in their pain.

Of course for us this was different. This is a type of grief that we begrudgingly understand. We had been them over two years ago, standing at the front of that church, giving desperate hugs to friends and family, no baby in hands. And as I sat there watching the scene unfold, I so badly want to fast forward for them. To protect them from these days ahead, this hard journey they have only just begun. But no, I told myself, they have to, they need to go through these tough days. The learning they have graciously experienced already, in the hard times of their baby's diagnosis and the unknown, is precious, as will be what they learn in these days of grieving with empty arms.

Even so, I wanted to shelter them from the silly things good-meaning people will say. I wanted to give them years of grief lessons in one minute. I wanted them to know the importance of this day, to know they don't get another funeral. As we watched them take the casket down the isle, I turned to Greg and bemoaned that I didn't see anyone take photographs. As we headed out of the church, I became frantic wondering if they had anyone to take photos at the burial. I know too well, they will only get a few photos "with" their boy, of these events and how treasured the images are later. I went up to the mom, got her camera. But you know me, it was just a point-and-shoot, with low battery at that. I made Greg rush home to get my camera. He made it to the burial site just in time, I was able to get a few shots for them to help remember this day.

Nathaniel's mommy had the words to I Will Carry You on the back of Nathaniel's program and the first line, the one that always, always gets me is "There were photographs I wanted to take..." oh how we grieve all the photos we will never, ever get to take with our children on earth.

 

Jeremy and Sidni, we ache with you on the loss of your sweet boy. We miss him with you. We stand firm in knowing your lives on earth will hurt more but be better because of him. And by God's grace may you be given the gift of grieving well.

If you would have told me when I stood up in front of that church on April 9, 2010 that years later, I would be the one hugging a grieving mother, and that I would be glad for Maelee's death in that it has taught me how to enter in with others in suffering, I probably would have laughed (or smacked you). Oh sweet girl, your short life has made me willing to join those in the house of mourning. I'm so glad the Lord gave us you.

-Heather (Maelee's mama)

America Day.

We've had a laid back day. I guess that's what happens when the fourth of July is on a Wednesday. It's been relaxing and enjoyable. We had some friends over for a lunch cook-out and a game of carbles. (Someday I'll explain carbles to you non-Minnesotans).

Here's our family photo for the day. On the porch where most of our photos take place it seems.

And when we realized on Monday that Eli and Caleb had the same outfit, of course we figured they must wear it at the same time!

Caleb: "I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal."

Caleb: "Eli, you're a genius!"

Eli has found a new way to style his hair. First you start with a few raspberry pieces, then some baked beans and greek yoghurt really makes a good gel. Niice.

-Heather

Hot City.

I read something today that made me do a sort of air-intake puff half-laugh. You know the one... accompanied by a look of disbelief and maybe a little snotty attitude...

The title of the online article is The 15 Hottest American Cities of the Future. Go ahead, click here, scroll to the bottom. Yes, the last city. Number 15.

Williston, ND. Our hometown. Um, what?

I know it's booming. I know it's crazy. But is it 'hot' with the likes of Austin and Seattle? Heck no.

It is hot with oil, money and oil money. It's downright bizarre the amount of people, plus everything that goes along with a fast influx of people to an area. But I don't think I'm the only one that would say my hometown has a long way to go before ever being defined as a hot city.

I'm starting to wonder about all this journalism concerning my hometown. Uff-da.

Heather

PS - Our current city is much closer to being a hot city in my opinion. I mean we are already Famously Hot, ya'll... I guarantee most of you from down here assumed this post was about the melting hot weather of late. Gotcha!