May or June?

I have started a host of blog posts in the last weeks. So much going on! My camera is full of photos to upload, memories to share. My phone is overloaded with pics, too. For now, I'll just type up some updates for those that need knowing.

1. We start a new daycare Monday. Our great, fabulous lady decided to close permanently because her injury is so serious and future unknown. We will sure miss her! Grateful for the time with her and the fit she was for us. Thankfully we found this one to start tomorrow a few days a week. The goal is so that I can keep working for now plus after the baby is born, have time to bond while the two older siblings get fun, kid time (the new daycare has kiddos just a bit older than E & A). Grateful for how well our kids have transitioned these last months to the numerous caregivers they have had. Such grace.

2. Greg built bunk beds for the kids. Woot! Not perfect (um, that gray stain sure looks blue) but they are airing out in Annalee's room as we speak. We smooshed them both in Eli's room tonight. I'm not certain they are asleep yet. Room sharing! Yikes! I spent many hours trying to find the right bedding (still not certain) but hopeful to find a basic gray quilt for each (currently planning on a Target one) with fun sheets for each of them. If anyone knows of a super cute purple-only pattern of sheet for Annalee, do tell.

3. This baby boy. Right now I am uncertain if he will really be our June baby or if he will be a May baby. My platelets have been dropping again. I started my twice weekly ultrasound and non-stress tests and he has been passing all those. I had blood drawn twice this week to see how my platelets are behaving. We need them to stay high enough. If not, they will induce even preterm. If they are going the rate they are going... we could be having a NICU baby. They may give steroids to get them up (and help baby's lungs) but we will see. I have battled a headache the last few days (today quite badly) which sort of compounded the concern for me. Honestly, friends, this has been eerily similar to the few days I spent in the hospital with Maelee and the preeclampsia scare at 34 weeks with her. Thankfully my head is getting better and my blood pressures are fine and my little stud is moving around often. I find myself missing my Eli doctor SO SO much and that great continuum of care. Today I just wanted to get my lab results from yesterday (just to make sure with my headache we were okay) and after figuring out I had no phone number to call, had to settle just talking to labor and delivery (who wouldn't give me results). There's only one OB/GYN clinic that is connected to my hospital. And no on-call physician to speak to on the weekends. Meh. I didn't feel it worth it to go in. I have felt really at peace this whole pregnancy but today, not being able to get reassurance, I felt a little overwhelmed at all this.

So pray for us in the next weeks as we figure out what is going on and what to do! I'm only 33 weeks so I'd really like to make it to 36 for baby. I actually had hopes to even go past 38 weeks, hoping to even go into labor on my own this time... But clearly I have lost a child before because what trumps all my wishes and ideals about how this pregnancy ends is the main: let's just keep baby and me alive.

4. Oh and he STILL doesn't have a name! And his room doesn't really exist yet. We need to clean up the car seat and find the hospital outfits. Gratefully we were given lots of newborn boy clothes from my sister's dear friend, so he has clothes now! And we have an insane stockpile of diapers! What else do we even need!

-Heather

Flashlight.

We celebrated Eli turning five a few days early on Saturday. I did not go crazy party planning so you all can be shocked and amazed. We still had a great party with all of Eli's requests: flashlights, tacos and ice cream. Add in a super cool scavenger hunt and a sort of lame dark dance, a few friends and family and a spoiled kid getting presents, and you have our party!

OSHA would not approve of that ladder safety.

I made a "5" sign using words to describe Eli. Super fun to do, took only 20 minutes, highly recommend as a quick but big impact decor. 

Here was the birthday boy with his R2-D2 sticker he got at school yesterday. 

He's 5!

And with his dad at McDonald's, his requested birthday supper. Not my favorite, but at least he ordered an orange!

Love these men.

He truly is a joy. I love you, Eli Joseph! 

-Heather

More Life.

It's Maelee's week. We woke up to snow on the ground yesterday so it sure doesn't remind me of South Carolina six years ago, but it is still her week. It started out a bit crazy...

I posted about our daycare scare... well, yesterday she found out her sprained ankle is actually a broken foot and the poor thing is where I was almost three years ago - no weight bearing, a boot, and roller-aid for at least a month! No daycare for us!

Thankfully (many texts later) Eli's preschool buddy's mom is watching the kids two days, and Greg's cousin's wife who had a baby in February is going to watch them for another six days (so very grateful!), and the grandparents for one day, a friend for a morning... assuming no sickness takes over, we are good for the next month and I can keep working. We just have to make it through June/until baby arrives for insurance reasons and it's looking more and more like me working won't be happening much into the fall anyway. 

Thanks be to God, this time around, partly due to the crazy work situation of late that I'm not overly thrilled to be at, I was not too concerned about the details. Within hours we had the above figured out and Grandpa even stepped up to watch the kids so I could finish up my work week. Plus this little baby moves around so much, he is doing fine through this (this week, most especially, I need him to remind me he is okay). 

Something I'm quite thankful for is how well our kids play together and how they handle people and situations. They are obviously still kids and need watching, but they are intuitive and follow common sense and rules more often than not. They are good at entertaining themselves with toys and stories and pretend play. Most of the time, they get along well with each other and know how to play together and independently. They like other kids and grown-ups (especially in smaller groups) and interact well with others. It may seem like a small thing but it warms this momma heart that they adapt so well to others. Church nursery, the handful of daycare situations, play dates, relatives, parties... they handle it really well. Sometimes Eli will whine to go to Sunday School but only for a minute. Truly, in certain situations, he will stick to us and whine and pout to our witt's end so that's not ideal. Sometimes Annalee can be clingy in large groups but she always warms up eventually. I want to remember this and treasure the good in it!

Today I overheard Annalee say something about "my sister" from the other room. No context. No idea why. But the bond they will miss is not lost on me.

And another story - Eli made a tulip at preschool a few weeks ago and as I was unpacking his backpack of daily projects, I exclaimed how pretty it was. He volunteered the story: "I told [the student teacher] tulips remind us of Maelee. And she asked "who's Maelee" and I said "My sister in heaven. She died and we have tulips to remember her." So of course, I melted a little that my sweet boy was so matter-of-fact about this, that he knows there was another baby before him and even keeps her in a tender spot in his heart. Love, love that boy. 

It's a different feeling being pregnant again this April. Oh how my pregnancy differs now versus six years ago! I was such a different mommy back then! Overall, I am continually struck by the fact I'm a better mom because of Maelee and I'm so grateful for her in our lives. I still ache for her to be here as the older sister but the sting is less harsh and the good from her death can be so wildly apparent. I wrote an article for work on suffering and the good that can come of it. Truly, she has given us this glimpse of another world we would have not been given otherwise. 

Wednesday, April 6, we will go out to eat as a family, maybe have some cake and ice cream, and celebrate together the gift of this baby that forever marked us. Sidenote: I just learned it's wacky hair day at preschool that day so I asked Eli if I could give him a mo-hawk since we have to cut his hair anyway and he burst into tears, whining and adamantly said I want my hair to stay like this... so perhaps "adventurous" or "willing to try new things" is not on his list of personality traits. 

-Heather

March 2016 Life.

Our life seems full right now and it's crazy to think we are adding another little human to the mix in less than three months. Six years ago I had NO idea how this road of childbearing would look, clearly. I feel bad that this little boy is not on the forefront of my mind like the other kiddos were... thankfully he moves so often that he is constantly reminding me "mom! I'm in here! I exist! thanks for all the goodies!" You're welcome, son. I am constantly hungry and often eating, I'm quite large and feel ready to pop even though I do have months left to go! Oh well, last time I can play the pregnancy card so I guess I'll live it up for this babe!

It has been a stressful few weeks for us. First, we had a daycare scare when our beloved provider, while on her exotic vacation, thought she tore her rotator cuff again and was going to need to close for many months. Four days later it popped back into place and minus a badly sprained ankle she also battled, she was ready to open a week later. Praise be! Of course this happened just days before a super-important, crazy-busy conference at work that I was in charge of planning... so my stress level was fairly high scrambling to find care and wondering about the future. Gratefully she was better the day before the conference and my co-worker and I did a fabulous job so the conference was a hit.

Then ten days after the conference, I got an "you have to come in for an emergency meeting at work" call. My boss and one co-worker were let go due to budget cuts and our whole Education Department was changing structure, our future completely unknown. It was all part of other cuts around the hospital that were done based on budget but the ramifications of the decisions weren't thought through well. It's been a complete whirlwind since. Our department was such a beautiful place to work! So many positive people, doing such great things. Now no one is quite sure what is happening. It has been so very terrible. For now, my sweet senior education program exists until June but unsure about after that, we are in limbo. Thankfully I do still have a job (since we get our family insurance through my work, leaving that before baby is born would be a big stressor) but I don't know how long I'll be there if things change considerably. I have loved my job share situation... truly it has been the best of both worlds! Such a great fit for us these two years. We shall see. I did great self-care dealing with the stress last weekend and continue to encourage my co-workers in any way I can. Having my background of losing my ideal job back in SC, plus Maelee and God's grace in my own life, gives me great empathy for tough situations like this. And since I'm not really afraid of getting fired, I have confidence to stand up for my coworkers and our programs and the good, meaningful work we did. So yep, it's been bizarre.

Then this past Tuesday we had sickness hit. It involved puke in both our vehicles, an 8pm visit to the walk-in clinic, and a resulting FIRST ever ear infection diagnosis for Mr. Eli. By Wednesday they were much improved and minus some interesting diaper changes for Annalee, they are back to normal. I will not complain because so many parents deal with constant ear infections and this is my first battle with it (oh it was rough to see him writhing out in pain, unable to form a sentence). Glad we are through that and can (hopefully) enjoy Easter sans sickness.

I thought about trying to potty train Annalee during this week off from work. That's looking very, very unlikely at this point. Oh well, two kids in diapers is still two kids! :)

Eli and Annalee this afternoon 3.24.16

Some things about these two darlings to record:

• Annalee sings often. She loves songs. Last week she sang "Happy Birthday" for over two minutes to herself before bed. Today she sang itsy bitsy "washed the 'bider out" for at least five minutes. I am a terrible mom in this regard, I rarely sing or listen to music and I'm certain she would absorb it all like a sponge if I did. 
• Eli is so affectionate. He gives me kisses on the belly or arm, even if it's just sitting at the dinner table. He can also not listen to me to the point I'm at my witt's end... then be giving me kisses ten minutes later.
• Eli hates, hates, hates to see Annalee get in trouble. If he can intervene, he will. I love how he sticks up for her. And spoils her. (ie, I told her I wasn't going to put her back up in her chair for the third time, she needed to stay there and not get down... she got down then wanted up (again) and I said "no", she flips out, so Eli goes over there and helps her in her chair behind my back). 
• Eli is competitive. If you want him to get him to do something, add some sort of competitiveness to it and it'll actually get done. Who will win to make it to the bathroom to brush teeth?! Eli. Annalee doesn't care as much about winning. 
• Greg is king at bedtime with these two. He has a song to get them to run to the bathroom to brush teeth. And he will read them stories loads better than I. Annalee is hit and miss with stories - sometimes she wants to listen and other times she'll make it a page or two before she wants to go read her own story. Eli would still listen for hours on end to stories. 
• Annalee loves the color purple right now. She picks it out and knows it and loves many shades of it. She has two tiny My Little Ponies and the purple one is by far the winner of her affections over the pink one. Her beloved Care Bear is pink but I'm pretty sure if we had a purple one, she'd love it more! Her other favorite toys are Eli's Leapfrog laptop, Eli's doctor kit, light sabers, play picnic food, and her stuffed animals.
• Eli's favorite toys now are the light sabers, legos (he adores lego time), random stuffed animals, and Star Wars anything.
• Eli has a great imagination. At lunch he told Annalee and I all about his dream (Riley (from daycare) and Deker (from preschool) and Eli were on a walk and they found a house with upside down windows and doors and everything and...) twenty minutes later. Sometimes I'm not sure if he really dreams this all or if he just makes up his stories. Regardless, the kid will be a story teller. 
• I tell Eli to stop saying poop or pee or some rendition of that at least ten times a day.
• This brother and sister do play very well together. They fight, of course, but overall they love each other and love to entertain one another. They are sad when the other is away for too long. It's quite cute to see them enjoy each other so fully.  

Random tidbits to record of our lives right now!

-Heather

Three Months Later.

Because Shutterfly was having a sale and I was motivated to get caught up on photo books... meaning I made our "Christmas in Minnesota" one... and here are a few fun group photos I finally got around to looking through:

We tend to do silly much, much better!

Love you, fam!

-Heather

AZ gems.

These two living, breathing kids are such a joy. It may be crazy having kids, multiple kids definitely, but they make life full without even trying. Arizona was lovely: the weather, time with my parents, family outings, resting, and eating. A week full of gifts. Here's a few cell phone pics:

HLK

Baby on Board.

We have a tradition. It's small, unpolished, and not always possible, but when we can manage it, we try take a photo of us and our luggage at the airport. Ideally we would before and after a flight but I don't think we've ever managed it both times in one trip. We did not get it taken on our way to Arizona one week ago - when we were happy as can be to be headed to warmth and relaxation. Today, however, I asked the nice lady behind us in line to snap a quick photo.

I thought "oh I should post this on Instagram." And that lead to a very spur of the moment decision to announce publicly that we were travelling as a party of five... what!!

Yes, we are expecting a BABY! Whoa! This baby is due in JUNE. So far all is normal and without anything concerning. I am pregnant AGAIN. Isn't that the craziest news you've heard all day?!

My quick photo this afternoon that will forever be important to our littlest.
And if you look really closely, there is a stranger on a cell phone above Annalee. 

Since this baby was a bit of a surprise, and since we've had a lot going on the first trimester, I just decided to wait on sharing the news for awhile. I needed time to process being pregnant again. And even though I had a million ideas of how to share the news of this latest blessing, I never got it done just so (Think: "another red head coming June 2016"). Then time just kept getting later and later... never the right moment. Yet as I was thinking of posting a photo, I realized my belly is full-on pregnant looking now. The last two weeks, especially this last week of vacation-eating, has definitely solidified the baby-on-board status.

So here we are, over half way there, four months away from meeting another Kasowski. I cannot believe I will birth another child. FOUR kids! Oh my!

This pregnancy has been wildly different in that with all the others, I was so crazy anxious to meet them, I wanted so badly to push the fast forward button to their safe arrival (especially with Eli). This baby is different. I am not ready for June yet! I am excited but I am not pushing that fast forward button. I am okay with some time left in utero. I have had much PEACE this time around. Partially because it wasn't quite our plan... so it is just loudly clear that every single day of this baby's life is God ordained. However many days we get, it's all His plan. I enjoy the kicks and the fact there is a baby in there and the fact we get to be pregnant again. I don't take that gift lightly.

And since we know this news... you should know too... the kids had a race and...

Eli's Team Won!

Did you get that? Do you understand? We have a pattern? Girl, Boy, Girl, Boy!

Admittedly, we were surprised and a bit disappointed. I was all ready for another girl. It took maybe one second for us to see in our ultrasound that baby is indeed a BOY though! Holy moly, folks. I am a mom to TWO BOYS. I can hardly grasp it! It took a few days to process, but we are excited for this guy. He is going to rock our world in so many ways, I am sure of that. There needs to be more amazing men in the world, men that fear God and work hard and love deeply and enjoy life, and I know that we will raise our boys to be men like this, God willing. I am convinced one of the reasons we are having a boy is so there is another awesome man in the world (like their dad).

Of course being pregnant brings some concern. We want him to live and arrive safely and be healthy. I take the same shots I did with Eli and Annalee. Our super long ultrasound and meeting with the specialist went smoothly. We will induce early again (mid-June if all goes like the last two). I will go to the doctor twice a week for monitoring and ultrasounds once I hit 32 weeks. It's going to get crazy. I may never blog. Three kids five and under is going to be a whirlwind. But the world needs more red heads. Truly.

Now on to find him a name...

-Baby Boy #2's Momma

PS - it was actually quite fun to post a photo with a subtle message, turn off your phone for a flight, and then turn it on again once at home to lots of comments!

It's...

Chewie! Darth!