Parenting Style.

Concerning life help information, I'm not an avid reader of books or listener of podcasts or online reader/watcher/liker. I should be better at it. Truly. For me... it's hard to absorb good teaching if I have way too much coming at me. Call me simple or lazy, just stating that's how it is in my life at this moment. Give me some Bible and some hunks of awesome teaching but I'm unable to take loads of teaching from a variety of sources in a variety of mediums without just breaking down in overwhelmed land. It is not enjoyable for me but I aim to change and someday love absorbing loads of good. Disclaimer: I do love that my husband loves this and daily reads, listens, ponders, and absorbs such a wide variety of content in a variety of mediums and I get to glean just the tip of the iceberg of that sometimes.

That said, give me some highlight reel from someone I know isn't theologically cray cray, someone I know and respect, or someone that's life has proven to be done well ions ago or recently. Then let me live it. Because if you absorb all that info and it doesn't change any aspect of you or how you live your life, then it's nothing.

I say all this to say I haven't read a parenting book in full. Pretty sure I haven't anyway. Greg has (all the hallelujah hands here). So I can sort of say that our parenting style comes from some of that knowledge probably. And some from our own superb parents. But the rest of our "style" comes from the grace of God and some trial and error and experience and hope.

And now I'm going to attempt to record parenting insights while I'm in the thick of parenting these three tiny ones. Partially so I can laugh my arse off at myself in twenty years when they are out being adults. I was never really into kids (I was a TERRIBLE babysitter) so me mothering these is all a bit hilariousness. In no real order...

- STRICT and FUN. This is how I described my parenting style to Greg last week.
- I want our kids to respect AUTHORITY. Because we are under the authority of God and they are under our authority. That means when I say their name or tell them "no" or ask them to do something, I expect a response. And quickly-ish. Consistently. But not for outrageous requests on my part beacuse they are kids. But for sure for doing something like "get your snowpants on". Sometimes I am not reasonable and I have to realize my expectations are whack and I hope to just nag when it's truly needed. Early our kids learn they need to listen to authority for small things and big things.
- Parenting is HARD to do well. We do not have the luxury of doing our own thing (for very long) anymore. It's active work. Active. Engaging them. Not just being on my blasted phone or checked out for too long. Much of hobbies and fun and relax doesn't happen like pre-kid Heather enjoyed. So don't pretend parenting won't change you.
- I read an article on SELF-CONTROL being a skill to teach kids and that clicked in my brain. With Eli I can totally see the importance of teaching him how to control his little self. Work in progress here but worth mentioning that I hope to help guide in this.
- SCREENS. I really only want them as a treat. Not as a daily expectation. Kids need to be bored and know how to be bored, to entertain themselves. We go in waves here but overall, our kids are not used to them. Plus they get nightmares easily.
- ANIMATED. I'm animated. They see me living life fully, and hopefully as they get older and see the mundane, American, midwestern, homemaking life I lead and that I'm joyful IN IT, they will know I love life. When I read books I want to be like Greg and be into it. Stories, voices, emotion, goofy.
- FOOD. Way too much sugar. We are guilty of it but thankfully, aren't out of control with candy, soda, and major sugar bombs. Our issues mostly lie with sugar in stuff (ie, our insane amount of processed cereal each morning)! Kids don't need to eat all the time either. So we have a breakfast, 10am snack, lunch, 3pm snack, supper and not dessert every night (which after vacation is crazy hard). Snack times are approximate but lately I'm feeling having a set time works well. Annalee can't whine for a snack at 9am and I give in. Nope, not snack time. Sometimes it'll happen earlier or more often, too, but general guideline helps me.
- They don't get to carry food around the house. Or drinks. Graduate to a real cup sooner rather than later and just don't let them carry a sippy cup. I remind them to drink if I need to but mostly they will just go take a drink or two of water and set the cup back down on the counter and go about their day. My hope as I'm typing this is they learn to "eat to live" instead of needing food or drink at their disposal constantly. Sadly enough, kids, I tend to snack WAY more than you. When you are healthy adults, you'll thank me.
- No drinks late at night. Unless sick or other issue, fluid them up during the day so they don't get used to drinking a crapload before bed or during nighttime. No bedtime cups.
- CONSISTENCY. Oh man this is key. Don't expect them to act a certain way if I'm not consistent in the response. If you give them an inch, they will often take a whole flippin' mile. YET, yet! there is so much GRACE in parenting. Both ways. Sometimes surprise them with grace and let them know it. I need to get better at apologizing to them for my fails and letting them see that process in me, too.
- Be more stubborn. It took me 20 minutes to make Annalee apologize yesterday. I could have given in earlier. But damn it, I'm going to be more stubborn than her. I would have loved to not be doing that for the last twenty minutes. Greg tells her often "You will not win. I am more stubborn than you!" And he is!
- Communicate. We are realists. And we try to keep them informed. Try to help them see other viewpoints. Tell them why I'm asking a, b, or c. I started saying to them when disciplining or requiring of them "in the greg and heather kasowski family, we ____" so they know that we are doing this (and why), but that not everyone does it our way, believes what we do, etc.
- Responsibility. They can often do for themselves what we do for them. We totally dressed Eli way longer than we needed to because his personality lends to being lazy (as does his moms). But they need some sort of responsibility in life. And they may need help (often) to remind them of what they are doing or grace to give them a crazy long time to get 'er done. But make them do it! Eli never zipped his own coat until his teacher told the whole class she would NOT do it after Christmas. And she got that whole darn class of 5-6 year olds zipping their own coats. Love it.
- FUN. I want to have an insane amount of fun with my kids. Impromtu dancing. Joking. Games, Dirt, Sugar. They see me being goofy, see us laughing at ourselves, see us being honest with them and making good out of our day-to-day. Greg is amazing at not coming home from work to sit and veg. He's engaged with them when he gets in the door. He's chasing and hiding and wrestling. I try get down on the floor with them, play or color or watch WITH them. Since I'm home most all the time now, I obviously still need to get things done so this isn't all the time but I want to find joy in being with them. I also want our home to be the place their friends want to come.
- BEDTIME. Best thing us light sleeper parents did was never have the kids sleep in our bed (honestly we wouldn't be able to sleep well with a kid next to us). 8:00 give or take. You are in there and this is it and sometimes it'll take a bit longer but rarely ever over 30 minutes and rarely having to go in there numerous times. THIS IS OUR TIME without you littles. Go the... you know. We COVET this time for us so much. It is hard work when you are dealing with naps as they grow, time changes, sickness, patterns, etc etc but the hard work pays off later when you can have the bedtime routine done, say goodnight and close the door. No kids coming in/out of their room for the next hours, no waking up to a kid in your bed. I'm not sure who told us to work at this but thank you. I love you. I also must say I think sleep is really really really good for kids to grow. I also must say kids are different. Eli needs more sleep than Annalee. He took naps even last summer at five! She's mostly done with naps at 3 and a half. We shall see what Evan, our kid-that-has-to-be-flexible-because-he's-the-youngest, will end up like.
- Manners. I'm not southern awesome and making them say "Miss or Mister" in front of friends' names (sometimes I do though and love it) but they should know how to respect others and how to just be proper. Sometimes I nag Eli and tell him I'm teaching him to be proper. It's not like it's a deal breaker but it's important to me.
- Gratefulness. Along the same lines, we want them to be grateful for the abundance they have. Sometimes at bedtime prayers I make them "thank God for at least ONE thing about/in your day". Simple but effective.
- Greg prays for our kids to have a tender conscious. Such a good hope.
- We tell our kids the most important decision they'll make is who their friends are. We deeply hope they make good choices. Such influence.
- No secrets. We don't have secrets in our family. Just surprises. Nothing hidden. No ugly closet weights to carry. Nothing from friends they shouldn't have to bear alone.

I feel like our HIGH expectations and our strict nature could lead to legalism and resentful kids except that we are also able to be joyful and laugh our bums off and get down to their level often enough to show them our deep love for them. They feel safe and loved.

Struggles we have currently is curbing whining and a sense of entitlement with them, helping them to develop intellectual and emotional empathy and maturity, with Eli for sure dealing with influence from school.

Okay, this was good reflection and processing and motivation for me. Excited to have this down so I can read it and laugh, smile or face palm later.

-Heather

ELK 8.

Gorgeous boy here. 

Life Moves Pretty Fast.

If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.

That's right, Ferris.

The blog is supposed to be my reminder to stop and assess and record and be glad for all that is going on in our lives. I am wary of so much of us on the good 'ol internet but it really is a nice way to record life and share a glimpse of us. There is something therapeutic to it all, too, that yes, this is my life and yes, these are my kids, and by golly, I can use words, lots of em', and no one can tell me otherwise or limit me to 140 words or videos that disappear after you watch them. Freedom, God bless America.

As I write this, our littlest man is on all fours, bum in the air. Now he plopped and just his top half is up, alert, looking at me hoping I'll pay him a smile. I do and I'm rewarded with a smile in return! He will start to scoot backwards now, I'm sure of it, and I'll be heading over there to free him from the spot he will stick himself by the chair. He's still slow enough to make it easy for me. But soon, oh soon, we might even have to get a gate!

He has started babbling and it's adorable. Dada dada but we know he's not saying Dad. At least this mama knows that. He has started to be very concerned where I am. He whines for me. Always for mama. I'm his biggest fan. And darn well I should be considering he spends most of his life with me. I am treasuring most moments as I watch him grow, less baby as the days go on and more toddler appears.

-

In complete hilariousness to this post title, I am posting this a month and a half ago after I initially wrote it. GULP. Whatevs. I'm dating it to be when I wrote it 1/28! SO FAST.

Glamour.

Pre-kids Heather had no idea. Oh she thought she might. As she got older she really hoped to have an idea. But she was clueless. She had no idea what parenting was like. Such love and joy for these little beings. But also a very overwhelming sense of responsibility. Babies cannot do anything themselves. And you are responsible 24/7. And it's exhausting.

I want years down the road Heather to remember this stage. I know I'll forget. Just like the lady at Target yesterday who saw these cuties and said "oh! I wish mine were that age again!" and I immediately responded with "oh, but I bet you don't miss not sleeping!" to which she said "yes, that's right, thanks for telling me that!"

So here, future Heather, is why you are gratefully content knowing this will not last.

Evan is up usually two times a night. He's got some sort of nighttime congestion (allergies? my bad nose genes?) so he needs to be upright to help his nose drain a bit, especially if we let him cry. I usually just feed him because then he goes back to sleep (after weeks of crying it out and no change, this is what it is). Like the others, he'll probably be close to one before he is a good sleeper. I AM EXHAUSTED. Last night he was up three times, Annalee screaming once. I just want to sleep through the night again. I know it'll happen and I'm anxious.

My body is older. Still young! Yes! But the lack of sleep is catching up on me and I can just feel a shift change as I get closer to middle-age and farther from young me. My back gives out on me when I'm lugging this 21 pound cutie around and plopping him down into his crib. If I exercised and stretched daily I'm sure this would lessen. But see previous point. I'm not sleeping well. And I've never been a routine exerciser so I'm realistic enough to know that's not going to start until I'm actually sleeping again. Plus add to that I've noticed a migraine trigger is not enough sleep so at this point, I'm taking an hour of sleep over exercise. And the gray hair, holy moly.

I wiped poop six times yesterday. So many butts.

So much laundry. Our kids wear clean jammies every night (stemming from them eating breakfast in them and usually spilling) but I'm starting to realize how much jim-jams are taking over.

The older ones have some independence but Evan is still fully, totally dependent on me. That's nice until it's not. I kept Evan quiet to not wake the others for over 30 minutes this morning. Then I gave up and wanted to shower. I have a handful of toys on the bathroom floor. Evan crawled into my shower, folks. I love this boy but I would like to shower in peace.

I'd like to finish this, but Annalee just crawled up to me and said "Mommy, can you play with me?"

Okay, back to finish.

Another aspect of this I didn't quite anticipate is always being in a rush whenever I'm not with the kids. Always. If I am actually at the store by myself, I'm rushing to get done so I can relieve whoever may be watching the kids. Even if it's Greg, I'm still in a rush. I think as pre-parents, you don't realize that you don't get a single moment to yourself while you have a kiddo in the baby stage. Someone is always going to be responsible for them.

This is a big reason I miss my part-time job. It was a nice break to know you are paying someone to be that for you. And the kids are good with it because it's a normal for them. The stay-at-home bit is tough. Your house is dirtier because you are in it all day. You are cooking meals for everyone more. It's easier on many levels, of course, but as far as feeling overwhelmed with kids, it takes the cake. I do miss my part-time "best of both worlds" life, I miss having work to think on, adults to converse with, and being in a realm I'm really good with (work). I am trusting God to help me with this staying-at-home bit because in my own strength, I'm not fantastic with it. I never grew up thinking this would be my life. That doesn't mean I'm not embracing it. It's hard 

Today my old coworkers are going out to lunch but the littles and I have been out and about the last few days and Evan needs a good, loooong nap in hopes to jump start his night (sleep begets sleep) so I can't go. Lunch here instead.

Sweeping the floor, all the time. The only reason I'd like a dog.

Replacing the couch cushions, all the time.

Trying not to be a control freak with the kids. Case in point: Eli's school is doing a PB&J drive. I had a jar of yummy blackberry jelly to donate. I thought about bagging it but figured Eli would only be in possession of it for five minutes from getting out of the van, to playground line up, to classroom. Surely it'd be fine. Nope. Mrs. Vollmers "the jelly did not make it to school safely. I think we got it all cleaned up" Mom fail! You try not type A everything but then...

ELK 7 Months.

Here we are, this little baby closer to one year old than he is to birth. I love him. I don't love love baby stage (sorry folks, I like when they can talk to me) but we are soaking up our moments with this babe while he is still full-on baby.

He was in the 4% for height at his six-month check-up earlier this month. And 74% for weight. Sorry boy! He has not been awesome in sleeping UNTIL LAST NIGHT WHEN HE SLEPT FROM 11PM TO 7AM and I woke up SO AMAZINGLY HAPPY and I have had the BEST day because, as you can tell from my all caps, I LOVE SLEEP and I miss it so! Evan doesn't seem to want to be consistent at sleeping or developing a pattern (partly due to his cold from over the holidays and me not sure if he's ready for all that crying it out yet and wondering if he's legitimately hungry since we are slow-going on the solids). Speaking of food, we started with some brown rice cereal before Christmas and he tolerated it. Fast forward a few weeks and a few other foods (avocados, pears), I realized the kid was constipated. Big time. The other two have rarely been stuck (ha!) with that problem so I'm in new territory here. Poor kid. We eliminated rice cereal and give him a tiny bit of pear juice and he's fine but I'm thinking he's got some food sensitivities that the other two never had. I am excited for him to start eating solids more and more so I know he is nice and full for nighttime. So far he will eat whatever except he was really against peas. He loves my milk and nursing and being with me, obviously. He definitely can be impatient for his milk... but overall he's happy.

Evan squeals with delight or just to be heard. He rolls over to his tummy most of the time after putting him down. He can scoot around in a circle, sort of a shimmy, and is getting dangerously close to being not able to be left alone. He reaches for toys and love to chew on them. He loves fingering his blankie and putting it close to his face to sleep. He likes to jump in the johnny jumper and sit in the beast. He tolerates his car seat. He likes to kick his short legs when he's excited. He loves to look up at lights or fans. At church this morning he was fascinated looking up.

There's more but I better go to bed (which I'm deep-down SO SO SO HOPEFUL will be another repeat of last night but sadly, more realistic assuming he'll be up often). But he's still my darling!

-mom

Merry!

Us five on Christmas morning 2016. 

And my mom got into buffalo check pattern this year...

Gift Ideas!

I LOVE (truly I do) LOVE giving gifts. I like shopping for good deals and sweet things that people didn't even know they wanted until you gave it to them or at least, making people smile because they were thought of. If I had endless time and money... oh man! Watch out world! I'd knock your socks off with warm fuzzies of affection.

So while two kids are napping, instead of wrapping or cleaning or packing, here's some nifty gifty thoughts:

• If someone has recently moved into a new place... a welcome mat is a fun and sweet gift. Just did this for a dear co-worker and noticed she had it out last week. Plus you can get darn cute ones. 
• NOISE MACHINES are the bestest. Like a fan but without the air and various tones to the wirrrrr. They are well worth $49. They go on sale once or twice a year for $35. I just bought us one more because I'm scared ours will go kaput. I (try) not have Evan used to this but I hate shushing our big kids all the time during his nap. Travelling in a hotel? Hearing annoying neighboors in the floor above you? Your brother-in-law snores when he comes to visit? Answer: NOISE MACHINE. You're welcome, sleep. 
• Napkins! I do love me a CONSUMABLE gift that won't collect dust especially for the folks that have everything. Everyone likes nice, disposable, possibly-themed napkins. Target had some I bought my mama that I find so stinking adorable for winter but really, anytime of the year is a good idea for napkins. This also falls under the "think of something they use then you could get a nicer, more expensive version" - another idea when gifting.  
• Gifts with a purpose... the Syria mess got me all up in arms and so I stumbled on this gift catalog with items made by refugees. Make sure your organization is legit and money actually goes to your cause instead of "administrative costs." Again, great for folks that don't need anything. 
• For moms, personalized jewelry (the cool, not cheesy kind) with their kiddos names (definitely include any in heaven here too) are going to be a win. 
• Smartwool socks. Oh man these are awesome. 
• Tiny screwdriver. We use our free one all the time. Handy! Tiny! Cheap!
• Amazon prime. $99 but would be a great gift for anyone because free shipping! free music! free books! a feeling of status and "no problem that party is Saturday! I can prime that!"
• White Elephant? Try passive aggressive notes! Hilariousness. 
• Sorel. Merrell. Uggs. Fancy, expensive boots or slippers or shoes. Not easy to pull this off, but we all need good, supportive, cute footwear. Our elderly future feet will thank us. 
• Massive quantities of something they use daily or often. One year I got my dad thirty (fifty, maybe) fingernail clippers because he always has one and always looses them. 
• For anyone that writes lists, awesome paper or sharpies are a win. I own so many, many markers and pens and yet, I feel I can never have enough good writing utensils. 
• Gift basket you come up with! Target. Go to the "dollar spot" section and just have fun. Add some items from personal care (everyone needs nice shampoo or tissues or toothbrushes). If you are lucky enough to have a Trader Joes or ALDI, add dark chocolate or other such goodies. Done. Add a gift card if you need more umphf. 
• On the gift card line, boring some may say but you can make it more creative with the "presentation". My bro-in-law always makes fun of Kohls for being "not a sustainable business plan" and so their date-night JL Beers gift card was wrapped in three Kohls boxes stuffed with the fifteen Kohls bags I had around. Har har. 
• If you want to get something but don't have it or need to wait for a better price, etc, make a scavenger hunt (or some other game/poem) that ends with a photo or description of the item (or you could just wrap that). That extra effort will make-up for the item not being there (probably).  
• If you are buying for someone not living in their "home" state or country, something from home at Christmastime will melt them. A necklace with the shape of their state. An art print of home. Something that shows them familiar. 
• Mini spatulas for kitchen folks. LOVE my mini spatulas. Get them about anywhere these days. 

Kids and Babies

• Plan Toys makes some pretty cute toys and games. We have one from there, nicer wooden. So cute. In that same vein, HABA toys (including some of the cutest little red-headed dolls).
• Books. Greg would put this a-o #1 on his list too. But for kids, a good book that engages them is always a win. Dragons Love Tacos is hilarious (cheaper on Scholastic). Try Better World Books for used fun. 
• Legos. Just a great gift for a long many years. Mr. Eli may be getting the Millennium Falcon and I'm fairly certain his dad will have just as much, if not more, fun putting it together. 
• Magformers are great because they'll span ages. Kohls sells them so you can use a deal there. They do go on sale so don't buy for regular price. 
• Go handmade etsy or local if they seem to have everything... there's always an adorable idea that's not mainstream that will be a hit. 
• Scripture Lullabies. Such amazing music. Goes on sale over Thanksgiving each year for 30% off. So calming and not annoying. Such a win. 
• Baby bibs. All the rage and so darn useful. Make sure they are absorbent materials. 
• Fun band-aids. Because you don't want to cover a boo-boo (or made-up boo boo) with plain, brown boring. 

And no matter who, they will appreciate a thoughtful photo gift. I did photo books for my nine-year-old niece and my 73-year-old dad. Shuttefly has free codes, often, A bit of a learning curve but well worth the time. Otherwise, just print a photo and buy a frame. Sometimes people just don't have the energy to buy a frame for a certain photo. If you gift it to them all done, wha-lah! Just don't judge if you don't see it on display at their house. Ha! 

Okay naptime is ending. That'll get you thinking, folks!

-hlk

ELK - Six Months.

Our sweet baby is half a year old!

And because he thought he should help this tired mama to remember, he did two milestones this morning: popped his second tooth and rolled over from his tummy to back (first tooth and rolling from back to tummy happened earlier). What a baby!

look at these thighs!

He won't have his six-month well baby check until the first week in January but he's got to be getting close to 20 pounds. Heavy baby!

What else!? He smiling often. Still doesn't sit up on his own. Loves milk. We tried feeding avocados mixed with my milk but he was not a fan and had quite the gag reflex. Hope to try brown rice cereal soon. He has dry skin issues, sadly. The other two didn't ever have that this early. Evan is working on a schedule and will hopefully fill me in on what that is soon. He giggles at Eli's antics and smiles at his sister. I'm still the favorite. He wears six month size but also 9-12 month items (long torso, sort legs, round!). Its crazy cold so I'm happy with all footed items to keep him snug. He is happy if he's full, usually. He will take a bottle when I'm not around. He likes to lay on the play mats and bat at the toys. He will give me one longer stretch at night, usually. He likes toys that he can put in his mouth and scrunch and play with. His car seat pull toy is a favorite. He loves sitting in the high chair and watching the rest of us. He babbles cuteness often.

Evan Lloyd, you are a joy! We are exiting the baby baby phase and entering into the "wow, look what you can do now!" stage. I love to snuggle you close, breath in and exhale happily being your mama. I kiss your side forehead fifty times a day. I love to say "Hi Evan!" when I come into your room to see you... or sometimes "Hi bubs!" "Hey Bubba" or "Good Morning Evan Bedevan!"

You are currently pooping one of the longest, loudest occurrences in your lifetime as I type this. Oh bud, here we go again to change your cute bum.

-mom