Dear Maelee,

I wish you were here today in my arms for your four month milestone. I would have put you in a new, cute outfit, probably one with brown in it. We would have taken so many photos of you today, recorded all the little quirks about you, the victories you've made. We would have been blissfully exhausted. We would have loved to watch you grow and change and become your own girl with your own personality and likes and dislikes.

I am feeling sorrowful as I think about all we are missing with you. It's hard, so hard, without you here. Since you were our firstborn, we don't know exactly what a four month old should be doing and I can't bring myself to read the emails I'm sent telling me about what my baby should be doing. I just know that we are missing something indescribably precious with you Maelee.

Tonight your mommy and daddy are going to dress up and go to a fancy restaurant that some friends decided we should go to. We want to stay home and pout and mourn... but instead we are going to try to celebrate you somehow, like we would have done if you were here. But just know, dear daughter, that inside we are aching for you. We will try to celebrate you and the short time we had with you... without being too overwhelmed with our unfulfilled hopes and dreams with you.

I don't know why we never got to hear you cry four months ago, why we never got to hold you in our arms while you were breathing, why you had to go. Someday we will go to you, in heaven, and we will be at peace. Until then, Maelee, we will always remember you and love you and yearn to be with you.

Love, your mommy