Ginormous.

Greg texted me this morning a funny memory he had that caused me to laugh out loud (which I rarely do so shortly after waking up) and I just thought I'd share about it.

Back in June of 2007 we had a little over two days to buy a house here in Columbia. We were totally at the mercy of our realtor (who turned out to be great, thankfully). Greg's parents were with us the day we looked at 15+ houses in a city we knew nothing about.

I wish today-Heather could go back and help then-Heather process what she was experiencing! I had NO idea, really no clue, about so, so many things. It really is by the grace of God our house buying experience turned out so well. Because culturally and geographically, we were clueless!

After we had signed our life away a thousand times and we were back in ND, I remember calling up our mortgage company (Palmetto Mortgage) but not knowing how to correctly pronounce "palmetto" so I said "or however you say it" after I most likely pronounced it incorrectly to the lady. There was an awkward pause.

Looking back, this lady had to of thought I was a complete idiot. SOUTH CAROLINA IS THE PALMETTO STATE. I saw palm, but didn't really know what to do with the etto. Seriously. There are palmetto tree depictions on most everything around here. If you want to name a business just add "Palmetto" before the trade and you've got a name. I'm not sure when I realized what a palmetto tree was, but I'm sure there was a lightbulb over my head at that moment.

Many of the phone calls I made while in ND ended up frustrating for both parties. Most conversations had a lot of the following: "I'm sorry, what was that?" "excuse me?" "huh?" "what did you say" and "can you repeat that?". Because they couldn't understand me in my northern accent and I definitely struggled with deciphering their southern drawl. I remember one conversation I just started laughing because our termite inspector was talking but I had NO idea what he was saying. This was also probably the first time I ever heard "bye" as a three syllable word. Oh then-Heather, this was only the beginning.

I've gotten away from the original make-me-laugh-before-9am story.

One of the 15+ houses we looked at in our marathon day can best be described as the "Ginormous Furniture House". Oh what I wouldn't do for a photo!

This house was so hilariously unique. Someone still lived it in so all their stuff was still in the house. And as we walked from room to room, we were all struck with one thought: the furniture was HUGE. It was a small house, too, but think of the biggest furniture you could by at Rooms To Go smooshed into a three-bedroom 1000 square foot house.

It felt a bit like the scene in Willy Wonka where the room gets really small. Or Goldilocks finding a nap spot. Or a weird space continuum. It felt like the furniture was made for a giant but the house was just a regular house.

We are talking overstuffed couches and end tables, so much so that the front door entrance was blocked because you otherwise couldn't fit in the living room. And a spare room with just a huge couch and a BIG screen TV, the old-school not-flat kind. And the mirrors! They must have weighed a ton because they covered whole walls. The frames were probably 20 inches thick.

But the best was the bedroom. It had one of those four-post canopy beds. But the posts! Oh the posts! Trying to put your arms around one post was like hugging a redwood tree at Yosemite. And I would have needed a 6 ft ladder to actually get into the bed.

Every piece of furniture in every room was overstated and extreme. You could barely walk around because you would hit a piece of something massive. And I recall seeing a few clothes that were normal size so the whole "maybe a really large person lived there" theory was out. Even our realtor was amazed and beyond words.

My MIL had to use the bathroom while there because she was about to pee her pants, it was that funny. In fact, I hope you've gone recently, Mary, as you read this account of our experience!

It was a good memory. I only wish I had photos to prove how outrageous it was. This pales in comparison:

Aren't you glad we didn't buy that house with furniture included? I am. Thus ends the funny story as I have run out of ways to say huge.

-Heather