But this year before I got my camera out, we had a hard rain fall that made the tulips all droopy. Then a few squirrels had a hay day and ate most of the blooms. And you know what? That makes me angry. Why? I could say it's because I wanted a perfect pale pink tulip bouquet on my table for her birthday. But the real reason I got upset is because anything to do with my daughter brings out my defenses. I couldn't protect her so the few things on earth that remind me of her I strongly want to defend or protect.
It's silly, I know. But it's why I started crying when Greg accidentally dropped my Maelee mug (thankfully it did not break) and why I freak out if I misplace my ring or when I'm worried Eli's going to break my Maelee necklace. It's why I really ought to find a little box for her cast hand and foot prints as I'm always on edge when I bump our dresser and they move.
I know that these are just things, reminders of her life. But it's all I have of our sweet girl so I hold on quite tightly. And I think that's okay to a point. I don't want to go overboard, of course, and I don't want to get overly upset at a few harmless squirrels. Most of all, I want to keep remembering that these triggers and tangibles things are a gift. A gift of remembrance for however long they last. And the greatest gift? The promise that the best is yet to come. Someday.
-Heather
1 comment:
We have our Maelee tulips in our kitchen. No squirrel but I do have to remember to water them! Love you four - Auntie A
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