Big Belly.

I miss my big belly. I know that sounds weird especially considering all the negativity in the world about stretch marks, the pregnant waddle, not being able to see your feet, etc. But I miss being pregnant. Even with all the not-so-fun symptoms that went with it.

I miss looking down and getting excited for baby. I miss talking to Maelee, telling her about what was going on, sharing our feelings about her arrival, singing Jesus Loves Me. I miss our companionship. Our deep bond.

I miss my excitement when I'd feel her move... how it would cause me to grab Greg and make him see her moving, put his hand on my belly and feel her kicks with me. I miss taking video of my belly moving around and around as Maelee did some acrobatic moves.

I miss the way people would look at me, the comments they would make, the joy I was able to share with them. I miss being able to say "it's a girl" and we don't know what we are naming her yet.

I miss spilling stuff and staining all my pregnancy shirts. I miss the shock of thinking these pants look way too big but finding them fit. I miss finding good deals on pregnancy clothes that made my big belly look even cuter.

I miss the thrill of knowing we were about to embark on this crazy journey of parenthood. I miss having Greg take photos on the porch of my belly every week. I miss how Greg would look at me and my belly, with love and anticipation and dreams in his eyes.

I miss feeling so blessed, so amazed that I got to be a mom, so humbled at what was happening in my belly. I miss the feeling of impatience, of wondering when she would arrive, of having her on the outside.

I miss the smell of the lotion I put on my belly every day. I miss wondering if my belly button could get any weirder. I miss hugging people and having my belly get in the way.

I miss having my big belly, a symbol of life and promise. But I mostly miss knowing that my baby was alive and well.

-Heather