December 16th.

We are really looking forward to this day. As long as baby is doing well, it will be another wonderfully special day in the life of grether. We get to find out, thanks to modern technology, if our baby is a boy or girl. Hopefully I don't step on any toes here but I'm trying not to live my life to please people (that's a whole sermon series in itself). I know some people like to go it old-school and not find out the gender of their baby. I was in that camp for a bit with Maelee until the practicality, God's grace and Greg's opinion swayed me. I have never been more thankful to be swayed. If I would have found out my baby died BEFORE I knew she was a girl... that would have made it that much more devastating. Because we knew Maelee was a girl, we were able to bond with her those four plus months in a unique way. Knowing we were having a daughter altered our perspective. If we wouldn't have known, we would have had to grieve with a whole set of different emotions (like countless couples did back in the day when stillbirths were much more common - praise God for modern medicine/technology). Since our time with Maelee was painstakingly short, I am ever so grateful we knew at least that much about her in the months we had with her. If only we would have had her name ahead of time! Silly us. I am glad that we talked to her, knowing she was our daughter, telling her what we dreamed and hoped for her, praying earnestly for her. And knowing she was a she, made it that much more personal. The story-book moment of the doctor showing you your new baby and saying "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" or "It's twins!" (okay, these days I don't think that happens much in the western world)... well, that scenario loses it's beauty when the baby isn't alive. I am not going to criticize those that don't find out, it's a personal decision and every couple gets the right. It's okay if that's the route you choose. We are partial to finding out. But if you ever find yourself tee-tottering with this decision, you can use my argument of "why Heather thinks you should utilize modern technology and find out the gender of your baby." I do recognize that some poor sap of a husband is going to be at a loss for words when the wife comes up and tells him why we must find out the gender! I'm sorry, it's a morbid reason but it is what it is. So we look forward, anxiously, to our December 16th ultrasound. I have no idea if Maelee's sibling is a boy or a girl. I didn't have a feeling about Maelee, either, so that makes me feel better as a mom. I will say that in the baby loss circle, almost every mom's rainbow baby (the baby after a loss) is the opposite gender. It's actually very weird... I have no official stats, but I'd say it's close to 90%. So just because of that, I think baby may be a boy. Though I would like to share Maelee's room and all her sweet stuff with a sister. But if God graciously gives us a baby to take home, we don't care if it's a boy or a girl! So join us in the anticipation and wonder and thankfulness in the next weeks as we wait until December 16th... -Heather