I never got to hold you & bounce you on my lap,
I never got to read to you or watch you as you nap.
You slipped away so quickly, before I said your name.
And yet I want the world to know
I loved you just the same.
-Anne Peterson
Thanks to the Simons for sending us a gift to remember Maelee (with the above quote) and one for baby boy. Very sweet.
Some things that have been hard for me in my new normal life lately:
*arriving at Jazzercise this week and seeing two babies there (not typical) and the baby girl having the exact same car seat toys as Maelee
*seeing 4.6.11 as an expiration date on a bottle of water
*seeing a recent photo of a baby born a week before Maelee... leading me to the many, many questions of "what would she look like now?" and "what would she be doing now?" etc
*shopping for boy clothes at Once Upon A Child and seeing so many of Maelee's outfits there, having to consciously stop looking at girl clothes (it was such a fun habit for so long), trying to wrap my brain around boy clothes (sadly, the reality is they are just not as cute as girl clothes) and realizing how much this apparently matters to me
*having moments of complete panic when my husband innocently asks "have you felt the baby move today?"
*having to let go of 2010... which is "Maelee's year" and embracing 2011 and all that entails (most notably an upcoming baby boy!)
*being grateful when I realize I am in a completely awkward state of "is she pregnant or just a little plump?" and trying to find pants to fit accordingly
*realizing grieving (or any stressor) is harder when you don't feel well and therefore, don't sleep well (probably a main reason for some seriously hard past few days)
*being humbled by the fact that we are just a speck on this earth, a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes, and yet my speck of a life matters to God and to a lot of people, too
*realizing it's now been longer since we've been apart from Maelee (nine long months today) than the time that we had with her (in my belly)
-Heather
I never got to read to you or watch you as you nap.
You slipped away so quickly, before I said your name.
And yet I want the world to know
I loved you just the same.
-Anne Peterson
Thanks to the Simons for sending us a gift to remember Maelee (with the above quote) and one for baby boy. Very sweet.
Some things that have been hard for me in my new normal life lately:
*arriving at Jazzercise this week and seeing two babies there (not typical) and the baby girl having the exact same car seat toys as Maelee
*seeing 4.6.11 as an expiration date on a bottle of water
*seeing a recent photo of a baby born a week before Maelee... leading me to the many, many questions of "what would she look like now?" and "what would she be doing now?" etc
*shopping for boy clothes at Once Upon A Child and seeing so many of Maelee's outfits there, having to consciously stop looking at girl clothes (it was such a fun habit for so long), trying to wrap my brain around boy clothes (sadly, the reality is they are just not as cute as girl clothes) and realizing how much this apparently matters to me
*having moments of complete panic when my husband innocently asks "have you felt the baby move today?"
*having to let go of 2010... which is "Maelee's year" and embracing 2011 and all that entails (most notably an upcoming baby boy!)
*being grateful when I realize I am in a completely awkward state of "is she pregnant or just a little plump?" and trying to find pants to fit accordingly
*realizing grieving (or any stressor) is harder when you don't feel well and therefore, don't sleep well (probably a main reason for some seriously hard past few days)
*being humbled by the fact that we are just a speck on this earth, a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes, and yet my speck of a life matters to God and to a lot of people, too
*realizing it's now been longer since we've been apart from Maelee (nine long months today) than the time that we had with her (in my belly)
-Heather
3 comments:
Praying for you, friend.
~Rebekah
You guys are in my prayers. I pray for happiness and healing in 2011. Please know that Maelee is missed and loved by so many. I'm always here for you anytime of day. You aren't grieving alone.
Lots of processing here, dear Heather. Thanks for sharing all of it...
missing you, praying for you, eager to connect with you guys-
much love,
jill
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