A few days ago a lady from our insurance company called. She was verifying things about Eli's birth and whatnot. In the middle of our conversation she, referencing her records, said the statement: "but you have other kids at home." This caused me to pause and say "Well, no, our daughter was stillborn last year." And then I had to clarify our whole history. Then she said something that made me want to throw the phone across the room: "Well, they really should have entered this as zero."
I'm sorry, lady, but my daughter is NOT a zero. I gave birth to her beautiful 6lbs 8ozs of being. I cannot just erase her life, her one way-too-short life, to a zero.
Don't ever make the mistake of telling someone that has had a loss that because their child is gone that they don't matter, that they don't count. I know that for stillbirths that often means there isn't a correct box to check... I know it doesn't always fit in nicely or matter for insurance purposes. But I don't care! It matters to me. She matters to me.
Maelee will always be our firstborn. Having Eli is beyond-words wonderful. And someday I'll tell you all about how my emotions are going all over the place missing her while having him. But for now, join with me in not letting Maelee be a zero.
-Heather
By the way, even though the lady upset me with the way she went about our conversation (a little sensitivity goes a long way folks), I was not a jerk to her and I answered all her questions (she was doing her job). Lesson to remember: People ticking you off is not a ticket to get to be nasty (appreciate that southern wording!).
4 comments:
Oh, Heather! How awful. Your daughter will never be a zero! How inconsiderate. She is a beautiful creation of the Lord!
Lauren
*sigh* It pains me to hear that someone would be so insensitive. Maelee will never be a zero. She has made Heaven shine even brighter and opened so many people's eyes to the love our Lord, even in tragedy. That is big work for such a little girl. I am proud of you for not getting nasty to her. I am sure it was tempting. Sitting here and reading this makes me want to call her up and fuss, but I know that doesn't make it right. You are blessed with a beautiful and loving family. Maelee will never be a zero and is loved so much. I am sorry you had to deal with this.
-Court
Heather, I'm shocked that anyone would ever say something so incredibly insensitive! While I don't think you have to be nasty in response to rudeness, I do think that this woman and her company could benefit from some good old-fashioned home training! Bless their hearts! Maelee isn't and never will be a zero!
Ami
Oh my - I'm SO sorry. By the grace of God may she never have to walk in your shoes of baby loss -- on the other hand, may God grant her the grace to realize even a little what this is like, and to measure her words more carefully in the future.
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