Full Lap.

Today I had my lap full. I was helping in the nursery. And this little girl, born a month before Maelee, sat in my lap. And then Eli came and sat in my lap. And it took every effort in my being to not break down and dwell on (and weep for) what could have been. To have Eli's sister on one knee, Eli on the other.

I know that we probably wouldn't have Eli if we had brought Maelee home. We probably wouldn't have tried to get pregnant that quickly. I know. But I can still dream of what life would be like if both of our babies were born alive.

And I can tell you it would be eventful. Eli was pretty jealous of this little girl. When she had all of my lap, he put his hand on her head and looked at me unhappily. "What is this girl doing on your lap, Mom? I don't like it." Whine. Pout. And then he smooshed his little bum on my lap. Jealous much?

Praise God for gracing us with Eli. Having him to fill my lap is full on joy.

-Heather