Parenting Vows.

I think most parents, at some point, look back on their childhood and appreciate their own parents in some way. And then they decide to emulate their parents or do things differently.

I know there are loads of things that I would want to do like my parents. I had good ones and I am grateful. If I can remember to do some of these things, I'll be a better for it:

1. Make an effort to have a special hug or some sort of affection.

My mom and I had a special hug. It was almost like a secret handshake. It was just ours, complete with a special name, and it helped me know how much I was loved. My dad also gave some stellar bear hugs when we were little. In fact, I have a photograph of all the neighborhood kids lined up to get a bear hug from him, it was that good. And that reminds me of another thing...

2. Be kind and intentional to friends and neighbors. 

My dad was consistently kind to all my friends, giving them the time of day and not in a weird, freaky way. He'd joke with them and be his goofy self, often mortifying me. But he and my mom took time to care about the people that I cared about and that's a good thing. You know how some of your friend's parents were weird or mean or holed up in a room where you never saw them? I don't want to be like that. I don't have to be the cool parent, but I do have to be the nice one.

3. Care about safety over my child's coolness factor. 

I remember one time (and only one time) when a station wagon full of some of the mostest popular boys pulled up to my house after being at a neighbors and I was talking to them. My dad was outside and he said something funny, of course, but without mortifying me (bonus). They asked me to come along with them. It was the year before I got my license, I believe, and I was thrilled, elated to be asked. I just assumed I could go (my parents were pretty lenient with me) but my dad said I couldn't go. I was mad and I figured I just lost my ticket to being cool. My guess is he saw the packed wagon with no seatbelts and said no way. And even though they were nice guys and not up to anything, it was still a wise decision on my dad's part to not let his daughter go off with a load of 13 & 14 year-old boys.

4. Let younger kids feel special and smart.

As the younger child, I was left out of certain things from time to time because I was too little. But I don't remember that as much because my parents did a great job of including me. My mom would let me be with her in the kitchen to help. And she taught me the correct way to set a table before I was probably out of diapers... and that gave me a purpose at meal times. Another way to curb the age difference between my sister and I was having specific categories. We would have these backyard races. My dad would do play-by-plays, of course, and my sister would obviously win. But she would only win in the "ten-year-old division". I would come panting in to win the "five-year-old division." I don't think I ever felt less because I still heard that I won. And when friends would come, we'd add the "red-headed division" or whatever was needed so everyone got a chance to win. (Sdenote: I do love when everyone wins but there does need to be times when a kid loses... thus, we always had pinocle for that).

On the flip side, I also have a few things l am vowing to do differently from M & D and a few include:

1. I will let my kids use the slip-n-slide on our lawn and not worry about the lawn being ruined.

I'm pretty sure if you were to ask my dad now, he'd wish he would have given in to my nagging and let me run wild with joy in that much-desired banana slip-n-slide instead of worrying about the resulting yellow grass stripe in the middle of his (spotless) lawn. In my dad's defense, his yard was one of his hobbies. It was a lawn to swoon over, really. So perhaps for me, I need to carry this over to one of my hobbies and be okay with my kid marring it somehow.

2. I will follow through with a seemingly innocent promise. 

We had this awesome playhouse growing up. Loved that house. When my dad built it, he had it wired for electricity but they never took the last step in getting it completed. And I would ask every summer for that to happen so we could have really fun sleepovers in there (to be fair, we still had fun sleepovers in there but with flashlights) but I never got to plug-in my tape player (heck yes). They should have bit the bullet and did it instead of promising it'll happen one day.

Also, they once told me I could have a dog and I never got one. So um, they shouldn't have promised that to me. Though to be fair we did have pet fish and they committed suicide probably from my very quickly diminished desire to clean their tank. I didn't even know that was possible but indeed, they will jump out of your tank if they are not happy fish. My parents probably saw how I took care of fish and decided I probably shouldn't get the responsibility of a dog. Still...

Well, this has gotten a little long. Perhaps I will keep adding to each list so I can look back and remind myself. And I'll take the time to again be thankful for a great childhood.

-Heather