I'm Pumping.

The other night Eli was playing with Grandma's Christmas decorations in the living room. She's great at having some kid-approved decor; one nativity is a particular favorite. She also has a little sleigh with red bulbs in it. We were in the kitchen when I heard Eli in there. I looked up to see him next to the sleigh, holding two bulbs pointing out from his neck and making this distinct waah-wah noise. I asked him what he was doing and his reply was "I'm pumping!".

Oh dear, oh my! It was really so hilarious and yet so very sad at the same time.

You see, Annalee won't latch now. We have yet to successfully latch more than once after her little lip tuck. She became a big bottle fan and now really doesn't want a thing to do with the actual milk supply (that takes longer to give her milk than an instant-gratification bottle). Plus we just haven't had the time to really work at it. So that means that I'm still pumping in order for her to get my breast milk.

Every three hours during the day (or four if life gets messy) and usually once in the middle of the night... I'm sitting at the chair hearing the waah-wah of the pump and not being able to be hands-on with either child. It's very, very hard for me to just sit there for twenty or more minutes so often in a day and not be able to pick up Annalee, play with Eli or be available. It really makes it more of a challenge to plan a day. I have to try to pump before either wake up and the whole time I'm just trying to tell the milk to hurry and hope they don't wake up too soon. Then during the day I try to entertain Eli while I'm pumping (or hope he can find some fun thing to do that doesn't involve a screen). Sidenote: This is yet another wonderful aspect of living with Greg's parents. Eli often ends up pestering Grandma, so at least he's not watching TV every time he's waiting for me to pump. Grandma, on the other hand, gets nothing done! But really, on top of the can't-just-go-outside-because-it's-too-blasted-cold-or-too-much-work-to-get-all-that-gear-on, I just feel bad for the kid. "Come on downstairs, buddy, mama's got to pump." and "When I'm done pumping, then..." etc. He's bored.

Plus there is sweet Annalee. I think I could manage this much more if it was just her but even that is hard. She's a baby with no time schedule so it's hard to plan. Sometimes she needs to eat and I really need to pump. Bah! This is where I know I couldn't do it without Greg. When he's not at work, he's able to feed her/hold her/entertain her (and Eli) so I can pump. Plus he usually washes all the blasted pumping paraphernalia which is a big, big help.

In addition to the time factor is my milk supply woes. My body knows it's not her, it takes way longer than it should. I'm trying very hard not to let my milk supply decrease but it's tough. I can't add loads more pumping sessions without pumping taking over our lives. Plus she's eating a bit more now so less and less of what I pump is going in the freezer and more and more is being used. This makes me sad because I know she won't make it to a year with just my milk. There's no way my supply or time will allow it. And the thought of doing this even another three months is daunting. I can't even go there in my brain or I really, really start to loathe pumping. I sometimes have many drama queen moments where I am so fed up I'm ready to whine and pout and quit. These are usually when I'm waking up in the wee early morning to pump when all I want is to sleep.

I will say that sometimes it is a nice break, to force myself to sit down and not be doing something. Sometimes I am grateful for the rest aspect of my waah-wah time on the chair. But mostly I'll be glad to be done and able to do a host of other things during the time I am now using to pump. 

And if you are wondering how I got this typed up... I used the hands-free-pumping bra while typing this during a both-kids-napping-at-same-time opportunity. Any communication I do is usually done while pumping. Sometimes I wonder if nurses or other people I call on the phone understand what that waah-wah noise in the background is...

-Heather