Retail Therapy Exists.

I've heard the term "retail therapy" before but never paid it much mind. Now, however, I see it does exist.

Greg and I are not spenders, typically. We are savers. We don't buy something unless we have the money for it. We saved and saved while living in Grand Forks so when we moved we could buy a house (and even having a mortgage is tough for us... knowing we will owe money for many years). Our saver-mindedness came in handy when my job was cut and we had to live off one income. We had saved so we knew we'd be okay... and even when I never got a job, we learned to be better, smarter shoppers and be grateful for Greg's job that provides income and a way for him to go to grad school full-time.

That to say, I do like to shop. I definitely spend way more than Greg, but I would still classify myself as a saver. Greg takes saving to a whole different level, however. I mean he got out of college WITH money - who does that?! Greg hates to spend money except for where it counts (special occasions, tipping, etc). I love that about him (okay, I have learned to love that about him!). He especially hates to spend money on himself and if you ask him what he wanted he would say nothing. Lame, huh? I can always name a looong want list!

All that to say, we've changed a bit since Maelee died. I stopped caring about how much stuff cost. I had this new mentality that came from out of nowhere... a sort of "who cares, life's too short, just buy it" attitude. I went out shopping for the first time in May. I came home with new tennis shoes, decorations, frames, clothes, gifts galore... I just bought whatever. It felt good for awhile. It helped somehow.

And surprisingly Greg was the same way. He bought me great gifts for my birthday. He let me buy him shoes and Twins gear. He almost spent $225 to have someone capture DV video for us (I stopped that one). He let me buy lots of gifts. Our weed wacker broke last week... so we ordered a new one. We barely even researched it! We always research and mull over most purchases we make.

One thing Greg did say he wanted (if you made him tell you something) was an electric guitar. That's been the only thing on his wish list for 5+ years. I knew when I married him that I was marrying a drummer... but I didn't know I was going to marry a guitarist too! He's quite good and wanted an electric guitar and amp and foot peddle... the works. Back in March I told him when we sold our old car he should use the money to buy it all (once the baby was here and we made sure that was wise). Well, with everything that happened I even more so pushed Greg to buy it, knowing it would make him very happy.

So we had a friend sell the car for us (good-bye Tracer, you were good to us) and last week I clicked "buy" online (knowing Greg would never actually do it) and today it all showed up! I have one very happy husband among a pile of boxes in the living room causing the floor to vibrate as I type this. (Yes, the head phones were back-ordered so I get to enjoy all the "music" he's making as he figures out the settings). Seriously though, I'm so glad Greg finally is getting what he actually wants (not like the past birthdays of opening socks and khakis and polo shirts).

I recognize that we can't keep just buying stuff or we will go broke and run out of space in our house. I recognize that it's just a very temporary high during our grief. I recognize that the good feelings we get when buying stuff is not going to make anything really better. I recognize that we will go back to being savers and this too shall pass.

So if you find yourself in the midst of tragedy and your credit card is smoking from use, I guess I will encourage you by saying it's normal.

-Heather