A Quilted Life.

I am thinking often and fondly of my grandmother right now. I miss her. Memories of moments with her abound and the little things that remind me of her keep finding their way to my thoughts. Her delicious homemade buns, her amazing flatbread… if I close my eyes I can almost taste them. The way she served my Grandpa so lovingly all those years. Their home, the sewing room, the squishy seat, the musty basement. The smell of Red Door perfume, her classy attire. Herberger’s store, her thimble collection, the color mauve. The unique way she moved her mouth and how I see that in my own mom and aunts, a family trait.

I yearn for days with her before Alzheimer's. I wish I could have a few days with her now, as I'm grown and could appreciate her so much more than when I was a selfish teenager. I didn't realize then how blessed I was for having a great person like her as a grandmother, how much I could have learned from her. I ache for those missed moments and I'm sure many who knew her feel the same.

The reality is she is gone and is experiencing something we cannot grasp in our finite minds. Heaven is extraordinary, of that I am sure. And because Grandma Doris trusted the Lord for her life, understood that she couldn't earn her way there by being good or following some moral code, she is now at home with her Savior. That, I fully believe, is the best part about heaven. Her getting to see, know, remember her husband, my Grandpa Ray, meeting Maelee, her namesake, and other loved ones, that is just icing on the cake. We are all in need of a Savior and nothing brings me greater joy than knowing my Grandma understood that.

I found this poem by Elizabth Ryan DeCoursey. And it reminds me much of Grandma.

Life is like a patchwork quilt 

And each little patch is a day, 

Some patches are rosy, happy and bright, 

And some are dark and gray.

But each little patch as it's fitted in 

And sewn to keep it together 

Makes a finished block in this life of ours 

Filled with sun, and with rainy weather. 

So let me work on Life's patchwork quilt 

Through the rainy days and the sun-- 

Trusting that when I have finished my block 

The master may say: "Well done."

The last line alludes to a parable from Matthew 25:23 when the Master says: "Well done, good and faithful servant!" which is what we all want to hear our Heavenly Father say to us when we die. I believe my grandmother's life was a beautiful quilt, that the Lord was pleased with her and she heard those weighty words upon arriving at the gates of pearl.

I also appreciate this poem because it reminds me of the song Blessed Be Your Name, sung at Maelee's funeral. "Blessed be Your Name, When the sun's shining down on me, When the world's all as it should be" ... some days really are happy and bright! But we all know that this road of life is marked with suffering and there is pain in life... dark, rainy days. But no matter what type of day is out there, we can be confident that the Lord is still good, He is still in control and we choose to say Blessed Be Your Name.

We know that Grandma is better off in heaven. We are grateful, so grateful, that the Lord brought her home. But that doesn't lessen our sadness, our grief, that she is no longer quilting each day with us on earth. 

Love to you Grandma Doris. Until we meet again...

-Heather

PS. Yes, this is incredibly hard being the only one not there for the family service and funeral tomorrow. Because I was the only one that missed out on Grandpa's funeral ten months ago, it makes this distance even harder. Oh that I could be there to join my cousins! On top of being really sick, it's about all I can handle to keep it together! But I choose to be grateful for her life, for knowing I can celebrate her from afar, and for the blessing of my son who is a part of this Zander heritage...

With my favorite blanket, a quilt made just for me by Grandma Doris when I was around 14. She made it for me because I loved the red one she had made many years earlier for my mom and I was wearing it out! She made both using the scraps of material from all the dresses and clothes she made for her daughters over the years. Needless to say, it's a treasure. Even moreso now.