Vent.

This has not been a week that I would like to repeat. It just hasn't been very awesome.

Can I just vent?

I spilled a big 'ol thing of yogurt all over the living room carpet and rug. All over. The house is pretty disastrous too.

Greg broke my beloved pickle ornament my mom gave me. It shattered to a bagazillion pieces. He felt bad and did not mean to do it, in his defense.

I thoughtfully picked a bunch of photos to print and send to family and then they didn't upload correctly, just disappeared. So I have to take the time to pick them all out and upload. Again.

I visited a chiropractor for the first time on Friday. After a week of wincing every time I picked Eli up or turned my head, I'd had enough. Verdict is still out whether it was worth the money (plus the three visits next week).

21 months without Maelee. Putting away her ornaments. Wishing for cute tu-tu outfits for her... when life is hard, grief somehow arrives to join the pity party.

My friends shower was today which went very well. But I had planned on making these cute little felt owls and paper latern owls and I didn't get to. I know that's not a big deal but this is the type of thing I LOVE to do! Party planning committee? I'm all about that.

And lastly, we are sick. Our sickness is nothing life-threatening. Just a nasty, icky virus that has left all three of us tired, hurting, frustrated, annoyed and crabby. No one is sleeping much at all. Eli hates the bulb syringe with a passion. But the poor guy can't breathe. Doesn't want to nurse because he can't breathe. And to top it off, he has these lovely welts showing up all over, a byproduct of this cold virus. Oh and I can't take many meds because it'll pass to Eli and I'm not a very good sick-with-no-Nyquil type person.

So when I hear my Grandma (who not very long ago at her check-up was given a fairly clean bill of health and could have lived for many years) goes into the hospital on Thursday night and passes away two days later... it's just A LOT to process! She was my last living grandparent.

And last March when my Grandpa Ray passed away I was about 8 months pregnant and thus, couldn't fly to get to his funeral, I swore that whenever my Grandma died I would be there.

It's not looking like I'll be able to. And that.is.hard.

First off, I'm still nursing Eli so where I go, he goes. I would consider stopping now but the kid still nurses almost every three (day)hours and he does not take a bottle. We try but he just isn't a sucker. He chews on pacifiers and bottles. No sucking.

Greg can't come. He took too much time off over Christmas and he needs to work. So even if I left Eli here, we wouldn't have anywhere for him to go while Greg worked!

Traveling while you are sick and with a sick baby? I'm pretty sure I would put that on a no-no list.

And lastly, the hardest part, is we live too far away and we are trying to get to small town ND.

No flights were found!

It's near impossible to fly from our hometown, Columbia, to Dickinson. I think I could manage it in three flights, maybe?! We could drive an hour + to Charlotte, fly to MM and then fly MN to Bismarck and drive another two hours... but that is still two flights, one layover and two drives. With a sick baby.

There are times when I think of our family in China and all they sacrifice living there, most notably being away from family. For us It's not that far, of course, but today I feel like SC is another country as I'm trying to get us to ND! It shouldn't be this hard!

So it's not looking like Eli and I will get to be there to honor my Grandma and I'm so very much bummed. I just never thought I'd miss my grandparents' funerals.

Okay, I feel a little better after my blog-venting. Thanks, folks, for being my therapy today.

-Heather

Wait, I must say a few things I am grateful for, admist this not-so-lovely complaining.

Eli. He's here and alive and healthy and I'm never ungrateful for that. Plus Greg, he's amazing even among our pathetic week.

My grandma died quickly. She could have had a long sickness and have been in pain for months and months. Instead she was fairly healthy until Thursday when she was ambulanced to the ER for difficulty breathing and was basically unresponsive until she died last night. That's God's grace to us in this for sure.