Sunday, April 23, 2017

What To Recall.

As we move through our lives, there are things that will be forgotten. The things that make each day here seem normal for us will fall away as the little beings get older and wiser and bigger.

So here I go trying to record snippets. OH snippets. You are a good word! I shall use you more!

ANNALEE (3.5 years) snippets!

  • Annalee was whining the other day at breakfast and said "brrrr, I'm hungry!" and we all had a good giggle. And now we say a version of that occasionally "brrr, I'm tired!" ;)
  • I brought Annalee to the library last week. She loves picking out books and picked out great ones this week. I told her she could pick out one DVD. She came back with two: one for her and one Star Wars one for Eli. She is so considerate and a bit sneaky.
  • Annalee often says to me when she sees my phone "I want to send something to ..." meaning she wants to send Daddy or Grammy or Grandma a text of just emojis (like 30) that she picks out. 
  • Annalee still uses "her" when she should be using "she" - "Her said..." "Her wants..."
  • "I'm still hungry." She says this lots. 
  • We are in full swing Star Wars birthday party prep and every.single.time someone asks about Eli's birthday she pipes in "And I'm having a golden birthday party!!!!!!!" and thinks it's happening soon instead of in six months and I may be sort of regretting telling her the theme (4 on the 4th so clearly golden) and already having bought items for it (so much gold)!!
  • So much her daddy in behavior. She took a calculator from the grandparents house without asking (I found it in her backpack) so I made her bring it back the next time we were over there and apologize. She would not say the words so we had to leave. Seriously stubborn. Most of the time she is SO SO SO easy and responsible and level-headed and fun and wicked smart. Until those times were she is stubborn and then it's cray-cray.
  • She writes her name and Eli's and Evan's and has started to read out loud letters she sees.
  • She colors at the same level as Eli. Not his thing. Totally her thing. Give her markers and a pad of paper and she's content for an hour. 
  • Annalee's favorite: "I want to have Annalee and Daddy time!!!"
  • She won't let Greg (and sometimes Eli or me) out of the house without "a hug and a kiss!" - and if she doesn't get it, she FLIPS out.
  • It takes her a few hours to warm up in a new setting or at a friend's house. She's very quiet and won't talk unless I really prompt her or unless Eli is with. For play dates, often I'll find her right next to me. Content to just watch other kids and be comfortable with me right there. But once she crosses over, then she's happy and loves to play with new toys and somewhat other kids (but depends on the kid). 
  • Annalee can be a bit bossy once she is comfortable (like with cousin Alexia) or with her dolls and it's cute. For now.
  • I think her biggest fear in life is being left. If I tell her to go to the bathroom before we go, and I happen to open the garage door and she thinks I'm leaving, she will scream. I have started to reassure her "I will not leave you"
  • She dresses herself, doesn't use a booster for meals, only needs helping wiping poop, can get her own water (sidenote: she had a flip out for a few weeks where she all of a sudden wouldn't get her own water after months of doing this... were talking FLIP OUTS... but I WON! After some serious stern parenting, she did it! Conquered her newfound fear and did it and whew!), can buckle the top of her car seat, help pick up (if her attitude is good, even better, often lately we've gotten "but it's too hard." or "it's so much work" which does not go over well with this mom and dad"), and entertain herself for HOURS if need be! 
  • Annalee was trying to use goofy words as adjectives like Eli often does and called our neighbor that babysat "chunky Bruce!" :-)

EVAN (10 months) snippets!
  • This last week he's been saying "ma ma ma ma" and I'm pretty sure it's for me. And maybe today a definite "da da" too.
  • He's our climber. Loves to spend time each day half up on a stool or the first stair. He's unable to actually climb up because his legs are too short (thankfully, I'm not ready for that). Auntie Amy brought over the walker this weekend which he scoots around in pretty fast!
  • I cut the hair right above his ears tonight, just a tad. He's got some crazy hair and a good bit of it. Bald spot from early months is starting to fill in (and sort of looks blonder). 
  • He lights up at his siblings.
  • Loves cheese, finger foods (bread/bun/toast) and really anything he can feed himself. He eats plain dry Cheerios every morning. Usually at least some baby food for lunch or supper with whatever I can get in a good size for him. He does like to eat. He's gotten a few non-food items in his grasp and I have to be careful with this one!
  • He doesn't love the Jump Up anymore. Hit that limit I guess.
  • He still nurses during the day and at least once at night. GROAN. I think he has an allergy. Has anyone ever heard of a baby that is congested only at night?? That's his deal. Nothing overly terrible but it makes him wake up and then it's hard to let him cry it out when he's all stuffed up and can't breathe. But during the day he is fine so it's not a virus/cold. I'm hopeful we will turn a corner soon because this mama is tired with a T. Or exhausted with an E. 
  • Evan's front two teeth are big with a big 'ol gap! He's getting in the ones next to those now too. Not sure about friends for the front bottom two. 
  • Our schedule is usually a 30ish minute morning nap and a 1-2 hour afternoon nap. Times TBD.
  • Eh-van...I go into him in the morning with a crazy high pitched mom voice saying his name like that. 
  • He's also called Goo by Eli or Baby Goo. Bubba or Bubs by me. 
  • Evan loves me most and is the most struck with separation anxiety out of all the kids. DON'T EVER LEAVE ME is what he is saying internally if I leave for a long time and because his brow line is so pronounced, you can just see it!
  • Size 4 diapers still... because I want to get through the boxes before we move to 5!
Whelp that's enough for now. Will get the BIG bro done later this week for his birthday!!!!


Friday, April 14, 2017

Look! This baby is now in double-digit months and he's a charmer, this one!

Four teeth plus another one and two coming real soon!


Outtake, check out my fast arms!
I want to write a big 'ol update post but I'm tired. So maybe soon, eh? For now: this baby needs to sleep better for me.


Monday, April 10, 2017

Her Day.

We celebrated Maelee's Day this year well. It was harder for some reason but a good sort of hard. And I'm finding myself over and over again glad for her life, how we are able to be such loud grievers and sharing our daughter with the whole world. What a gift good grief is.

This blog has been helpful for me to remember what we did the beginning of April each year since so I'm going to try continue recording.

Greg made french toast that morning, woke up early to make something different for the beginning of the day. Plan backfired. Annalee told me later "Daddy made the wrong breakfast." Neither kiddo was happy about the surprise french toast (which they usually love). They like their cereal, these two! He had Maelee's CD playing and it's been a long time since I listened to that and it was special.

I played extra hard with the littles. Crafting with the sister on my bed. Dark dancing in the bathroom with flashlights. Held that chunky boy longer.

I took the littles to TJMaxx. Retail therapy works even seven years later. I had a reason: I wanted nice pink (fake) tulips. And I found exactly what I wanted. Wasn't until I got home I realized there were seven blooms in my set! Perfect.

Evan wore the Twins onesie (under a sweet plaid shirt) I had bought in Fargo for Amy's wedding just after we found out we were pregnant with Maelee. Eli wore it for her first birthday. Annalee wore her rainbow shirt. I'm usually intentional in our clothing choices because I'm just one of those people.

Greg had his permanent crown put in that afternoon so he was in pain. We went over to Grandma and Grandpa's where they had pizza (requested by Annalee) and pink cupcakes (and adorable pink tulip napkins and plates). Auntie Amy bought us fresh perfectly pink tulips (currently adorning our kitchen table and bringing much joy). We had to eat, leave the two littles, and run with Eli to his school for his kindergarten music program (camping themed). It was pretty special to spend an hour with him, going through these stations, and watching him in his program.

We were all aware the day was special because of Maelee and I love that. We choose to celebrate her!

-M's mom

Wednesday, April 5, 2017


On April 6 
2010 - delivered Maelee
2011 - very pregnant with Eli
2012 - first time in two years NOT pregnant, with an almost one-year-old Eli
2013 - pregnant, not sure if baby was a girl or not
2014 - first time not in SC for her birthday, chaos with two sick kids not in our own home
2015 - again, not in SC, busy with two littles at home
2016 - pregnant with our second boy, crazy daycare woes and work drama
and tomorrow, 2017 - not pregnant (gladly!)

April 6, 2010 and three other years since, I was pregnant. That's a lot of babies. And it is a different feeling going through her birthday being pregnant. Somehow this year has been more reflective than the last few. It might be that I have more time at home, now that I'm not working. Or that the kids' ages are better for reflecting? Or that we are not battling sickness (praise praise be!). Whatever the case, I'm finding my heart pondering more and remembering seven years ago. I'm finding myself willingly holding Evan while napping this week, this will be the last birthday when I have a baby baby of ours to hold. Lots of feels going on here. No new insight or revelation. Continued understanding and thankfulness for how God has walked us through grief. Always, I am grateful for Maelee. Grateful that her life mattered. Always, I am missing her. I never feel quite complete as mom, as me, without her here. A piece of us is missing and that is okay.

Eli has a school music program tomorrow so our tradition of going out to eat and having cupcakes isn't quite happening (food at grandma and grandpa's (pink cupcakes!) and they'll watch the youngest two while we go to the program in the evening). We are planning to go to the happy place Friday/Saturday so we'll get to spend a few minutes at her grave. I'm looking forward to being with my favorite people and celebrating her with them, together.