Glamour.

Pre-kids Heather had no idea. Oh she thought she might. As she got older she really hoped to have an idea. But she was clueless. She had no idea what parenting was like. Such love and joy for these little beings. But also a very overwhelming sense of responsibility. Babies cannot do anything themselves. And you are responsible 24/7. And it's exhausting.

I want years down the road Heather to remember this stage. I know I'll forget. Just like the lady at Target yesterday who saw these cuties and said "oh! I wish mine were that age again!" and I immediately responded with "oh, but I bet you don't miss not sleeping!" to which she said "yes, that's right, thanks for telling me that!"

So here, future Heather, is why you are gratefully content knowing this will not last.

Evan is up usually two times a night. He's got some sort of nighttime congestion (allergies? my bad nose genes?) so he needs to be upright to help his nose drain a bit, especially if we let him cry. I usually just feed him because then he goes back to sleep (after weeks of crying it out and no change, this is what it is). Like the others, he'll probably be close to one before he is a good sleeper. I AM EXHAUSTED. Last night he was up three times, Annalee screaming once. I just want to sleep through the night again. I know it'll happen and I'm anxious.

My body is older. Still young! Yes! But the lack of sleep is catching up on me and I can just feel a shift change as I get closer to middle-age and farther from young me. My back gives out on me when I'm lugging this 21 pound cutie around and plopping him down into his crib. If I exercised and stretched daily I'm sure this would lessen. But see previous point. I'm not sleeping well. And I've never been a routine exerciser so I'm realistic enough to know that's not going to start until I'm actually sleeping again. Plus add to that I've noticed a migraine trigger is not enough sleep so at this point, I'm taking an hour of sleep over exercise. And the gray hair, holy moly.

I wiped poop six times yesterday. So many butts.

So much laundry. Our kids wear clean jammies every night (stemming from them eating breakfast in them and usually spilling) but I'm starting to realize how much jim-jams are taking over.

The older ones have some independence but Evan is still fully, totally dependent on me. That's nice until it's not. I kept Evan quiet to not wake the others for over 30 minutes this morning. Then I gave up and wanted to shower. I have a handful of toys on the bathroom floor. Evan crawled into my shower, folks. I love this boy but I would like to shower in peace.

I'd like to finish this, but Annalee just crawled up to me and said "Mommy, can you play with me?"

Okay, back to finish.

Another aspect of this I didn't quite anticipate is always being in a rush whenever I'm not with the kids. Always. If I am actually at the store by myself, I'm rushing to get done so I can relieve whoever may be watching the kids. Even if it's Greg, I'm still in a rush. I think as pre-parents, you don't realize that you don't get a single moment to yourself while you have a kiddo in the baby stage. Someone is always going to be responsible for them.

This is a big reason I miss my part-time job. It was a nice break to know you are paying someone to be that for you. And the kids are good with it because it's a normal for them. The stay-at-home bit is tough. Your house is dirtier because you are in it all day. You are cooking meals for everyone more. It's easier on many levels, of course, but as far as feeling overwhelmed with kids, it takes the cake. I do miss my part-time "best of both worlds" life, I miss having work to think on, adults to converse with, and being in a realm I'm really good with (work). I am trusting God to help me with this staying-at-home bit because in my own strength, I'm not fantastic with it. I never grew up thinking this would be my life. That doesn't mean I'm not embracing it. It's hard 

Today my old coworkers are going out to lunch but the littles and I have been out and about the last few days and Evan needs a good, loooong nap in hopes to jump start his night (sleep begets sleep) so I can't go. Lunch here instead.

Sweeping the floor, all the time. The only reason I'd like a dog.

Replacing the couch cushions, all the time.

Trying not to be a control freak with the kids. Case in point: Eli's school is doing a PB&J drive. I had a jar of yummy blackberry jelly to donate. I thought about bagging it but figured Eli would only be in possession of it for five minutes from getting out of the van, to playground line up, to classroom. Surely it'd be fine. Nope. Mrs. Vollmers "the jelly did not make it to school safely. I think we got it all cleaned up" Mom fail! You try not type A everything but then...