3.2.1.

I went to the doctor this week for a normal check-up. They got a new computer system since I had been there last year. That means all my medical history needed to be inputted, verified and updated. This nice older nurse brought me into the little room and started verifying my info.

I really wish they would have just given me the laptop. She informed me that she is just learning to type. Bless Her Heart. She didn't do too badly, only a few hiccups, but it sure was a slow process.

And the worst timing for her to mess up was the screen where she said "Okay, you've had three pregnancies, two full-term, and you have one live baby." Uh, yep, I guess that about sums it up. But then she says, as she's typing it into the right boxes: "3.2.1."

She ended up having to re-do that screen because at first she couldn't find the button for ectopic, so she actually said it a few times. "3.2.1." The mom in me started to think these are just numbers to you but they are so much more to me. They are my babies. They have a story. They are part of me.

Every doctor appointment from now on will have them in my chart. And you know what? I'm glad for that. Maybe that's weird, maybe a little messed up, but it's a chance nonetheless, to acknowledge them.

I was almost glad she had to ask the follow-up questions. Entering in the dates. After inputting Eli she paused and said "hum, all three in April." Yep. And after getting 4/2010 and 6 lbs, 8ozs in there, she asked Boy or Girl? She was a girl, I say. She has no idea how loaded with memories these questions are!

Oddly enough, I wish I could have told her more. Told her of Maelee's red hair. Of how we were blindsided with her death. Of our grieving journey. Of the joy of our redemption baby.

As any good parents, I like to take joy in my kids. And I like to talk about Maelee. I'm sure many people don't understand that, would rather me not bring her up, would think "It's been over two years, get over it already" and tell me I shouldn't miss her because I have an Eli.

Well phooey on them.

Last night we went over to Jeremy and Sidni's house (see post below) to be with them as they start figuring out what this new normal is like. We wanted to join with them in their grieving, to miss Nathaniel with them, to encourage them somehow, to reassure them what they are experiencing is normal, to know they are not alone. At the same time, we were blessed to get to talk about our daughter. And like I just said, I like to talk about her, I'm glad to remember her with others. I'm not happy this family joined this "club" with us but I'm glad that some of what we learned when we lost Maelee may possibly help them on their grief road.

-Heather