The hospital discharged us at noon today. Our family allowed us to walk into the house alone. We went right to Maelee's room and fell to the ground crying.
Heather can't do that for very long though. She's stuck in this tough position of needing to relax/recover from the delivery and grieve emotionally. Grieving leaves you utterly drained and exhausted in every way--physically, mentally, emotionally. If there were a grieving triathlon to compete in, we are either building up our emotional stamina to win that stupid event, or we're just completely burning out. We usually get everything out emotionally in the morning, and then by 2 p.m. there's nothing left.
Heather hasn't been able to read any e-mails, comments, or facebook posts yet. But for me, I can't tell you how much they've helped. I've read and re-read them. By the third or fourth time I read them, I can actually read them in their entirety without watery eyes getting in the way. Just seeing people's names in comments, e-mails and facebook posts is great. It's not in what you say, it's that you're just saying something.
-Greg
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Empty car seat
Tomorrow morning Heather will be discharged from the hospital. We were expecting to have someone riding in the back seat in her new car seat. It took me over an hour to put that blasted thing in there. It's probably not even DHEC safe. We're not sure what we're going to do with that car seat now.
Heather is recovering quickly and will be sleeping soundly in a few minutes with the Ambien pill. Her blood pressure went right back to normal last night after delivery. She also had a fever during the labor process. But that broke last night. She's just been an all around super human being. I love her soooo much!
We had our family with us throughout the day. It's been a comfort to have them here. Jason and Robbie also visited and assured us of the great support we have from our church. I was greatly encouraged and confident that we will get through this tough process of grieving.
We will have a small memorial service on Friday with family and a couple others. We just can't handle a large group of people at this point.
-Greg
Heather is recovering quickly and will be sleeping soundly in a few minutes with the Ambien pill. Her blood pressure went right back to normal last night after delivery. She also had a fever during the labor process. But that broke last night. She's just been an all around super human being. I love her soooo much!
We had our family with us throughout the day. It's been a comfort to have them here. Jason and Robbie also visited and assured us of the great support we have from our church. I was greatly encouraged and confident that we will get through this tough process of grieving.
We will have a small memorial service on Friday with family and a couple others. We just can't handle a large group of people at this point.
-Greg
Maelee Linn Kasowski
Maelee Linn Kasowski passed away Easter Sunday, April 4, 2010.
Maelee Linn Kasowski was born still Tuesday, April 6, 2010 around 8 p.m.
She weighed 6 pounds, 8 ounces and was 18.5 inches long.
"Mae" comes from Heather's grandmother's middle name. The "lee" is added to distinguish her from her cousin Marian whose Chinese name "May Lynn." Her middle name, "Linn" is the same as her mother's, grandmother's and aunt's. We also like the sound of "Maelee Kasowski" together. For more on her name, read this post or for more on her story read this page.
Heather is doing great. She was absolutely amazing through the entire labor. There was absolutely no motivation to deliver, but she still struggled through with a heavy heart and sadness. The drugs have masked a lot of her emotional pain, but I have shed enough tears for the both of us.
My parents made it to the hospital during the delivery but waited until an appropriate time to visit our room. The nurses cleaned Maelee up so we could spend some time with her. The photographer took some pictures which we will treasure always.
We got some good sleep last night. We finally got situated in our room at 1 a.m. We woke up around 6 a.m., but still feeling somewhat refreshed. Repressing the grief is really the only way to get sleep.
Heather's parents are on their way to the hospital now. They got in late last night. I will keep you all posted. Thank you for thinking and praying for us during this time.
Maelee Linn Kasowski was born still Tuesday, April 6, 2010 around 8 p.m.
She weighed 6 pounds, 8 ounces and was 18.5 inches long.
"Mae" comes from Heather's grandmother's middle name. The "lee" is added to distinguish her from her cousin Marian whose Chinese name "May Lynn." Her middle name, "Linn" is the same as her mother's, grandmother's and aunt's. We also like the sound of "Maelee Kasowski" together. For more on her name, read this post or for more on her story read this page.
Heather is doing great. She was absolutely amazing through the entire labor. There was absolutely no motivation to deliver, but she still struggled through with a heavy heart and sadness. The drugs have masked a lot of her emotional pain, but I have shed enough tears for the both of us.
My parents made it to the hospital during the delivery but waited until an appropriate time to visit our room. The nurses cleaned Maelee up so we could spend some time with her. The photographer took some pictures which we will treasure always.
We got some good sleep last night. We finally got situated in our room at 1 a.m. We woke up around 6 a.m., but still feeling somewhat refreshed. Repressing the grief is really the only way to get sleep.
Heather's parents are on their way to the hospital now. They got in late last night. I will keep you all posted. Thank you for thinking and praying for us during this time.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Status update
Heather is resting soundly right now. They gave her an epidural around noon. She is over halfway to delivery. (5 cm dilated at 2 p.m.) She is full of drugs right now -- epidural, magnesium sulfate (as safety for the preenclampsia), something I can't pronounce for her headache, and a tranquilizer to keep her calm. We are hoping she will deliver before the day ends. I will try to keep you posted.
-Greg
-Greg
Day 2
Yesterday was the worst day of our lives. Today will probably be even tougher. Today will be the only day in our entire lives where we will get to see and hold our baby girl.
Heather was induced yesterday from 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. Then they let her rest for the evening. This morning at 7:30 they started the induction again. The doctors expect it to be an all-day process.
Thank you to those who told us about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. We will be doing that.
My parents come in at 7 tonight. Heather's parents and sister come in at midnight. I will try to keep everyone updated. Thank you for allowing us space and privacy as we grieve.
-Greg
Heather was induced yesterday from 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. Then they let her rest for the evening. This morning at 7:30 they started the induction again. The doctors expect it to be an all-day process.
Thank you to those who told us about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. We will be doing that.
My parents come in at 7 tonight. Heather's parents and sister come in at midnight. I will try to keep everyone updated. Thank you for allowing us space and privacy as we grieve.
-Greg
Monday, April 5, 2010
Our Loss.
Last night Heather noticed the baby wasn't kicking. We came in to the doctor this morning. They did an ultrasound and didn't find a heart beat. The baby didn't make it. The doctors don't know how or why it happened.
Heather has just been induced to deliver. The doctors are expecting a long labor over the next few days.
Our parents are both on their way and should be here tomorrow.
Please give us space for the time being. We will keep you updated when we can. Thanks everyone for your prayers and concerns.
Heather has just been induced to deliver. The doctors are expecting a long labor over the next few days.
Our parents are both on their way and should be here tomorrow.
Please give us space for the time being. We will keep you updated when we can. Thanks everyone for your prayers and concerns.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Southern Hospitality.
I must mention something about sweet southern hospitality. Southerners know their stuff when it comes to helping out those in need in a very practical manner: food.
When we were coming home from the hospital with me on bed rest, I told Greg that he needed to take up his co-workers on their numerous offers of bringing meals. It was very hard for him to have to humble himself and say okay... but we are so glad he did! What a help it was to have so many dinners provided for us! And they were all so yummy (they even kept everything low sodium and heartburn-proof for me)! Greg didn't have to cook/do dishes on top of everything else he is doing. And we ate much healthier than if Greg was in charge of cooking the past weeks:)
Along with his co-workers, we've had many friends bless us with food and visits as well. I'm pretty sure this past week went by so well because I had visitors and amazing lunches with sweet friends. It definitely helped break up my couch time! Thanks friends - your kindness is so appreciated!!
I'm telling you these southerners are downright awesome! What a great culture where bringing a meal to someone is the norm! I embrace it fully!
When we were coming home from the hospital with me on bed rest, I told Greg that he needed to take up his co-workers on their numerous offers of bringing meals. It was very hard for him to have to humble himself and say okay... but we are so glad he did! What a help it was to have so many dinners provided for us! And they were all so yummy (they even kept everything low sodium and heartburn-proof for me)! Greg didn't have to cook/do dishes on top of everything else he is doing. And we ate much healthier than if Greg was in charge of cooking the past weeks:)
Along with his co-workers, we've had many friends bless us with food and visits as well. I'm pretty sure this past week went by so well because I had visitors and amazing lunches with sweet friends. It definitely helped break up my couch time! Thanks friends - your kindness is so appreciated!!
I'm telling you these southerners are downright awesome! What a great culture where bringing a meal to someone is the norm! I embrace it fully!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April.
We made it to April! Those of you that have heard me talk about my very odd certain-months-are-better-than-others topic know that I really like April and wanted baby to have an April birthday. We made it!
My appointment today went fine. My blood pressure was WAY up but is still normal when I'm at home. There's not a whole lot going on with my cervix. So the anti-climatic next steps are: more bed rest. One week at a time. If my BP goes up at home, then they will probably induce versus giving me blood pressure meds.
I did ask if it was necessary for me to spend $50 to see Dr. Smith every week and the doc said not really. So I will cancel that app't. They will check my platelets at my OB app't and can call Dr. Smith in if needed. So that's good for the wallet.
Baby, on the other hand, is doing great! Greg guessed her weight at the ultrasound today was going to be 6lbs 7ozs and I guessed 6lbs 5ozs... and she's right there at 6lbs 6ozs! Meaning she gained around 8ozs in two weeks and if she gains like that, she'll be right around 7lbs at her due date. All speculation, of course.
And we learned two things about her:
1. She's a thumb sucker. Already. Her little hand was by her face (just like last week) and she just plopped that thumb/fingers right in there and was sucking away!
2. She's got hair! I was convinced she would be bald but that is not the case! The tech gave us a close up that was very obviously a lot of hair on her head. She said we better get the bows ready to bring to the hospital! And now I know why I've had killer heartburn... the little stinker.
Her cheeks looked more full from last week and she was giving us seriously not happy faces...but it was still quite adorable. Greg doesn't fully get into it as much but says it will all make sense once he sees her. Agreed.
Back to the couch... hoping she decides to come on her own before my due date (is that too much to ask?!).
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