The hospital discharged us at noon today. Our family allowed us to walk into the house alone. We went right to Maelee's room and fell to the ground crying.
Heather can't do that for very long though. She's stuck in this tough position of needing to relax/recover from the delivery and grieve emotionally. Grieving leaves you utterly drained and exhausted in every way--physically, mentally, emotionally. If there were a grieving triathlon to compete in, we are either building up our emotional stamina to win that stupid event, or we're just completely burning out. We usually get everything out emotionally in the morning, and then by 2 p.m. there's nothing left.
Heather hasn't been able to read any e-mails, comments, or facebook posts yet. But for me, I can't tell you how much they've helped. I've read and re-read them. By the third or fourth time I read them, I can actually read them in their entirety without watery eyes getting in the way. Just seeing people's names in comments, e-mails and facebook posts is great. It's not in what you say, it's that you're just saying something.
-Greg
20 comments:
We care about you both - our hearts are heavy for what you're going through - we are here for you both no matter what you need.
Tyler & Sara
Thank you for continuing to share about your journey through these dark days. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you always...
Since the moment I heard, I've had nightmares about both of you walking into the room that was so beautifully prepared. I'm so sorry. I don't know why my mind fixated on that one single aspect of this tragedy, but I praise God that He let both of you touch my life and bless it tremendously even for a brief period of time. Praying Continuously as best I can,
Linnea
We love you. Praying always. Tears shedding. Clinging to the promises of the Lord. May the Lord hold you.
Ireland's
Thank you updating us.
Heather and Greg-
My heart aches with both of you. No words can really describe...
Thank you so much for keeping us all updated on everything. It means so much, and it must be challenging to share.
My thoughts are prayers are with you both.
Sending hugs from Grand Forks,
Karina
I know we have never met but my husband and I are good friends of the Irelands and they shared your story with us. I am praying for you constantly and you are on the prayer list of our small group here in California. May God hold you close.
So accurate. No more words to say.
I know you don't know me very well, but i rode in your car in December and you ate at my house in the progressive dinner... i like you both so much even in my limited knowledge and experience with you ...grieving with you, with you in prayer.
Our hearts ache for you. We are thinking of you and praying for you each day. May God comfort you and give you peace.
Sarah and Jeff
Dear Greg and Heather, My heart goes out to you so much. If there was some way I could take away some small part of your pain, I would. My mom shared something with me this morning that I thought was so profound and really touched her when they were going through the death of their baby boy, but I will hold on to it until you are ready. I will be especially praying for Heather. This will be a long road for her. We love y'all and are praying.
continued prayer for your strength, courage and a healthy recovery for Heather
Greg & Heather, I can not imagine your pain and sorrow. My heart hurts for you. I pray that you feel God's loving arms around you both. Laura Hester
Thank you so much for sharing with us -- Please know we continue to pray for you often. Love you!
Erin and Simon
We are glad you have the help of family being with you and especially family that is being so sensitive and supportive. Greg, your words are so helpful for us too. This blog is a crucial piece of our grieving with you so we cannot thank you enough for writing.
May the Lord minister to you as you consider words- that He would speak over you his words of love and peace, the true good promises of His Word. Oh may His Word be etched deep in your hearts as you grieve. May you pour good words and God's Word over your beautiful wife like water on her wounds as you grieve together.
We have been working today to send something for you and especially to honor Maelee Friday morning. Nothing feels adequate. We so long to send an appropriate card or gift but we're left with nothing worthy... We so wish we could be with you, hugging you and praying with you. And praising God with you and for you. We hope to send something to you all soon.
We are praising God that it is well with your souls... and well, very well for Maelee. Praying now for your hearts here...
love,
Matt and Jill
Greg- I found this today on Molly Piper's blog.. which is one I think will be a needed visit for you both when you're ready. She and Abraham Piper lost their daughter Felicity (2007) just like your Maelee. Here are some of her words:
I know there are other women like me, living without their only daughter. There’s a particular hole for a mom, a woman, who loses her chance to raise her little girl. So many hopes and dreams die with that little girl.
One thing I’ve learned on my journey is that if I take the time to listen to what’s going on in my heart, all this anger and frustration, and let God pull me deeper, past the self-protectiveness of the anger, I get down to the pain of it. If I will get honest with God there in my anger, he always shows me just how much I’m hurting. Somehow the wall of anger crumbles and I’m left in the rubble, weeping.
Because underneath the anger is always the pain. I can stay there in the anger and grow bitter and hard (trust me, the temptation is there), but God has helped me see that it’s always better to let myself feel all of the emotions (first the anger) and then search for what’s really going on in my heart. Pretty much 100% of the time, under the anger is pain. More pain to feel, more tears to cry, more aspects of the loss that I need to grieve.
Sometimes I don’t want to go there. Sometimes I just want to rant and rail against my situation. It’s hard and frustrating. Sometimes it feels like there’s nowhere to go from the pain–it can rise up anytime or anywhere. Grief is not just for grieving places, like the cemetery. It happens in other stranger places.
I suppose the other option would be to pretend like I don’t feel the anger. “No, no, no…it’s bad to be angry. God took Felicity away and I have to be happy and content with that.” If I decide on this option, I also miss the chance to grieve, just like I would have if I would’ve stayed hard and angry and bitter.
But Jesus doesn’t turn away the grievers. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
I am called blessed. And I’m promised His comfort.
This is blessed assurance. It’s like a great big sign at the foot of the Cross that says:
“You Belong Here.”
(www.mollypiper.com)
greg and heather,
My name is Laura. My husband and I are friends of Matt and Jill. we've met before, long ago, at Matt and Jill's wedding in FL.
I saw Jill's post and found your blog. And I want you to know I am praying. and grieving. and trusting God for you.
Greg & Heather,
I've been thinking about the baby shower, and just how adorable you two were, sitting at the end of the table. You were so happy and excited. Everyone was so happy, surrounded by pink.
To have such joy, and crash into such sorrow as a tiny heartbeat ceases ... it's unfair, it's cruel ... and it must be an ache I can't imagine. My heart is broken for you.
I'm so very sorry. My prayers are for Maelee Linn, and for the hope that someday, you and Heather will find your way back to joy again. I hope you take strength in each other, and know that there are people who care about you.
-- Teoti
Greg and Heather we are so sorry for this grief that you have to bear. Every time I look at your blog something sets off that wave - and not being there to cry on each other's shoulders makes it even harder. We are praying, and crying, and hurting.
Matt
Greg and Heather,
My heart aches for you and words fall so short. Hold to the hope you have that your precious one is with the Father and one day you will see her again. I pray you may know the comfort and peace that only God can give, and like King David, you know that His nearness is your good. Hold fast to Him, cry to Him, pour out your hurt and pain and even anger to Him. For He can handle all of it, and knows all the whys and understands all, and will ALWAYS love you. Susan and I will continue to pray for you each day.
Van Crawford
Greg and Heather-
Thank you for sharing what you are feeling. I am so sorry that you and your families have to go through this. Our thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
Amanda and Tom
Greg and Heather,
I feel like a post on your blog would be insignificant compared to a long chat about your journey thus far. Yet, this is the best I can do at this time. There are so many thoughts and memories running through my mind right now, and your loss has become a major trigger for them. It makes me want to jump on a plane right now so that I can cry with you and chat about the ever-elusive hope that can seem so difficult to grasp. Please know that Kim and I are praying and fasting for you. We feel a very strong connection to you, perhaps like a fraternity of suffering. Through it all, God has taught us so much. We are begging God that you will fall back on what you know of Him until you can start feeling it again. We love you and we will continue to pray very hard for you daily.
In the Potter's Hands,
Todd
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