I am so very happy that it's already April 16. That means this month is half over! Now April is the specialist of months for us but it's also quite weighty. Yes, yes it is. The thing I'm most scared about right now, as you could guess, is losing this baby. But mostly, losing this baby in April.
You see, people that lose kids have sort of really whacked out fears and ways their natural, sinful selves think (I'm sure that most parents actually have this, we just take it to a new level). And when we found out I was pregnant one of the first thoughts was "Oh let's make it through April." Because all of our kids have made their appearance in April. Our ectopic baby was lost in April. Maelee was stillborn in April. Eli was born in April. And since this baby would not be able to survive outside the womb if born now, we would also lose this baby if he or she were born in April.
This baby is ideally our late September, very early October baby. He or she gets to buck the trend. Yes, that is what I hope! We have loads of little hurdles to make it through until this little lovie's birth date, but join me in praying he or she makes it through this month. And pray for my sanity and focus and right heart... I don't have an appointment until early May to verify this little one's heartbeat. That's a few weeks of possible freak outs!
Thankfully I have one adorable, growing little boy about to turn two and get to distract myself planning his party! Yes!
-Heather
2 comments:
Praying Friend!
I totally understand the freaking out thing. When we lost Greg's brother John, November 10th was just a day to get through...a heavy, hurting "I don't want to deal with this" day. Words can't express the joy I had when Greg's sister Amy was born 5 years and 12 hours to the day we lost John. He does give and take away, but it is in the trusting we find true joy and peace. I am so thankful you have found this and continue to find it in the dark times. I am praying for you both and love you so much. Mom K
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