I love Milano cookies. Those yummy cookies with chocolate sandwiched in them - delicate and delicious. Since they are expensive, I rarely bought them. When they were in our pantry, I would have to put limits on myself so I wouldn't eat them all in one sitting. "Only two Milanos per day" I'd say (not so much because they aren't healthy but more so they would last longer). And I would have to tell Greg my limits so I wouldn't cheat. He would see me eating one and playfully ask "How many is that for you today?" Needless to say, that Pepperridge Farm package of goodness didn't last long in our house.
Yet we've had a package of Milanos in our house for over three weeks, just sitting on top of the microwave. I don't think I've had a single one.
I have no appetite. Even when I hear my stomach growling and know I should eat, nothing sounds good. Even foods that I absolutely love have no appeal. If it wasn't prepared and sitting in front of me, I probably wouldn't eat much at all. And let me tell you, I really loved to eat... especially during my pregnancy. I gained 10 pounds in one month.
I know I probably should be grateful that my grief isn't causing the other extreme. I'm not binge eating constantly. That wouldn't be good for losing my pregnancy weight. But the fact is, I just don't care about food. About a lot of things.
Our house just isn't as it should be. Maelee is not taking a nap in her beautiful crib right now. Greg is not coming home after a long day to TWO excited red-heads. Grammy is not here visiting her new granddaughter. And I'm not scarfing down the Milanos in the kitchen.