Monday, May 3, 2010


I love Milano cookies. Those yummy cookies with chocolate sandwiched in them - delicate and delicious. Since they are expensive, I rarely bought them. When they were in our pantry, I would have to put limits on myself so I wouldn't eat them all in one sitting. "Only two Milanos per day" I'd say (not so much because they aren't healthy but more so they would last longer). And I would have to tell Greg my limits so I wouldn't cheat. He would see me eating one and playfully ask "How many is that for you today?" Needless to say, that Pepperridge Farm package of goodness didn't last long in our house.

Yet we've had a package of Milanos in our house for over three weeks, just sitting on top of the microwave. I don't think I've had a single one.

I have no appetite. Even when I hear my stomach growling and know I should eat, nothing sounds good. Even foods that I absolutely love have no appeal. If it wasn't prepared and sitting in front of me, I probably wouldn't eat much at all. And let me tell you, I really loved to eat... especially during my pregnancy. I gained 10 pounds in one month.

I know I probably should be grateful that my grief isn't causing the other extreme. I'm not binge eating constantly. That wouldn't be good for losing my pregnancy weight. But the fact is, I just don't care about food. About a lot of things.

Our house just isn't as it should be. Maelee is not taking a nap in her beautiful crib right now. Greg is not coming home after a long day to TWO excited red-heads. Grammy is not here visiting her new granddaughter. And I'm not scarfing down the Milanos in the kitchen.



TheSpeights said...

It sucks. You guys suffering sucks. I just don't know a better way to explain it. My suggestion would be to take that bag of cookies into Maelee's room, eat more than 2 because you deserve it and tell Maelee (because she IS listening) how good they are. I can understand food not being something that "fills" you right now. Take care of yourself. It's ok to feel the way you do. You aren't alone. You guys are always in my prayers.


Linnea said...

Of all the days that he could possibly pick in the entire universe, after work I arrived home to a mischievous grinning hubby, with those delightful, "I haven't read Heather's blog" eyes of sweet, sweet surprising, innocent thoughtfulness holding behind his back none other than the one thing that he occasionally will surprise me with because he knows it is one of my favorite things in the world his special gift that only he gets me a package of... Milanos. I tried not to cry. I looked at him trying to explain as thankfully as possible that his timing was incredibly unfortunate, but the well springs erupted when Laurel told me that Jewell who had just given birth named her daughter Myra Mae.I try really hard not to be mad at the world for you. This is impossible though. In my mind Maelee is the most beautiful name in the world. No one else can have any part of it.