Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Self Absorbed.

One aspect of my life the last few months that has been hard to overcome is the self-focus. I have been so self-absorbed these last months. Mostly because we have had so much going on (getting baby here alive tops the list). July it was just getting through the move and all the goodbyes and details to tie up. Then August was settling in at the in-laws and then breaking my foot. And September was still the foot on top of all the baby appointments. October brought us Annalee (worth every stresser) and now her nursing woes. Add the insurance issues, house issues and a host of other issues and I have basically been in survival mode since July 4. I don't want to just survive life but man, it really has felt that way.

I hope our issues slow down, way down soon. I hope I have the time and energy to give myself to other people (besides my family) and have the capacity to care for others. Because living a life so focused on yourself and your issues is lonely and difficult and not very rewarding.

For the next week or more, however, I'm still going to be just trying to survive. Again. Because we went to see the lactation consultant today (after her doctor at her two-week check-up said we should), and she has told me I need to try nursing Annalee at every feeding during the day and not offer a bottle. Tonight she cried (screamed) for forty minutes as we tried. I tell you, it is HARD to see your newborn screaming in frustration for that long. But eventually she did latch well like she's supposed to. Our little drama queen can latch (she's choosing not to) so we are having to be as determined as her in order to get her to nurse. It's worth it, it will be worth it to me, because all this pumping and bottle feeding is loads of work. Plus I don't think I can last a year pumping (nor will my milk supply continue) whereas I know I can nurse for that long (I nursed Eli for 13 months and that kid never took a bottle).


I hope to start getting more sleep as Annalee begins to go longer stretches at night (and when I don't have to wake up to pump). And we all know sleep makes everything better!

Her stats from today: she's eight pounds and 20 1/4 inches long. She's growing! Besides the nursing problems and possible reflux issues (we'll be trying baby zantac for three days to see if that changes her spitting up/hiccup/choking issues), she passed everything with flying colors. That's a gift to know she's doing well even with these issues.

Content after I nursed her with the consultant today. She spit up right after this because she was laying too flat.

Give me milk.


Linnea said...

What a cute little stinker! Hang in there momma. Just keep offering. She will figure out what has to happen. Just remember how stubborn and strong you and Greg are then combine that and now you know the force you are up against. I remember vividly sobbing has we tried for hours to get a latch and then not let her fall asleep. So glad those days are passed! Your's will be soon! You are not alone.

Tammie H said...

Amen to "Because living a life so focused on yourself and your issues is lonely and difficult and not very rewarding." - I can relate unfortunately. Praying you get some good rest, and Annalee gets into a groove!!