I got mad at Greg tonight because I thought the below post that he wrote was too... something... like having a memorial fund would solve the sadness of Maelee not being here. He nicely organized all the info for it because people had been asking about how to give and he made it easy to understand for everyone. Which is really great of him but I still got upset. I find myself getting upset at really dumb things. But most things I really don't care about. My parents-in-law and mom are still here and they are doing all these projects around the house and often they will ask me questions. And I have tried to have an opinion but I really just don't care.
Greg mentioned to me that we are grieving more than one circumstance:
1. Losing Maelee. We grieve her. We want her. We miss her.
2. Not having any children now.
3. Not knowing if we will ever have any children.
And I can honestly say right now that I don't want another baby. I just want Maelee.
I just spent five minutes trying to figure out something sort of positive or super-spiritual to say so that my post wasn't so depressing... but well, I don't have anything right now.
Oh, my best friend Jillmarie sent flowers today. Most all the other flowers (except for the plant and bouquet that was at the funeral) died. But now we have a new beautiful pink bouquet. Thanks Jilly.
9 comments:
Heather,
It's okay to feel the way that you do & with time your feelings & emotions will continue to change. I lost a baby much earlier in a pregnancy, & I can not even begin to compare that to what you both are going through. I didn't want another baby either, but in time I was blessed with a little girl. God knows what he has in store for you, but for now... it is perfectly fine to just love her & feel every emotion that comes to you.
Heather,
You are an amazing woman. You are going through some serious hell and no one can expect you to be chipper or positive right now. It's good you can write. You guys stay in my prayers. I hate what you're going through.
there isn't a need to find something cheery and inspirational right now. be sad... be you... be a mom that just lost her baby... but don't feel like you have to be something that you're not.
Sweetest Heather,
Your head and heart are overloaded.... it's no wonder you dont have opinions on a thousand things that are all dumb compared to what you've just lost. You are cherished, and lifted long in prayer. We love you, love you, love you.
Heather- I am constantly thinking about you. Mother's have a love for their child that no one can understand until they become a mother. You are a mother and you are missing your child --again, no one understands the saddness that you are feeling--but I am listening. I am listening to you with a broken heart. Since I have learned of your loss, I think about you and your beautiful Maelee all day long. Maelee is loved by so many people. You are loved by so many. Keep expressing your feelings. Sarah Geltel Opsal
Heather - you've been on our minds so much and I haven't been able to find words to share. I can't imagine the intense pain, sadness, anger, and exhaustion that you are experiencing right now. I am thankful that you have so many wonderful people to support you and to cherish memories of Maelee Linn. Most of all, I hope that you and Greg can find comfort and healing in your own time. Much love to you, cousin!
Kari
Heather, You are on my mind often. I have delayed in posting anything because I do not know what to say. I agree with a lot of what your cousin posted above... I can't imagine all the emotions you are going through right now. You are an amazing woman. I am impressed that you are even able to write and post. Thanks for sharing Maelee with us...I love hearing all about her! You are in my prayers friend.
In His Love,
Misti
Thank you for your transparency... thank you for sharing...
Heather, no matter what you do or how you feel, it is all what you need. The opportunity to give to you, Greg and Maelee, whether all it is right now is monetary is a gift to those that grieve with you both. Thank you for sharing and allowing others to be here for you both. Laura
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